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Heat. Hey, Heat. Good morning everyone.

I'm Renee and welcome to First Baptist Church Fort Mill. We are so excited you and your family are here. Whether you are joining us online or in person, there are so many ways to stay connected here at the church.

We hope you'll join us this Tuesday, May 12th, for our prayer and praise night. The service begins at 6:30 p.m. and there is an optional meal before the service at 5:30.

To learn more about the prayer and praise night, just visit our website at fbcfm.com/events. and calling all men in the church. Please join us for our men's ministry event on May 28th featuring former USC quarterback Connor Shaw.

Please register for the event online. And VBS is right around the corner and we could not do it without our volunteers. We still need more volunteers to help make the week a success.

To learn more about opportunities to volunteer at BBS, just go to our website. And ladies, please mark your calendars for Thursday, May 14th, as we welcome Kylie, one of our own here at FBC4 Mill, to share her heart and experiences in living crossculturally for the gospel. The evening will include a time of worship and dessert and is open for women and teen girls.

Please register by Monday, May 11th, and child care will be provided. Thanks again for being here with us today. We would love to stay connected with you throughout the week and there are some simple ways that you can do that.

You can simply follow the instructions on the tap card located in front of you or fill out a connect card. And thank you so much for your faithful giving. Because of it, we can share the hope of Christ here in our community and around the world.

Thanks again for being here. Have a great weekend. The people of the rising king who delight to bring him praise from all your hearts to sing to the Morning star grace shifting shadows of the earth.

We will lift our eyes to him. Steady arms are mercy together children. Rejoice rejoice.

Let every day rejoice. One heart, one voice. The church of Christ through the night.

Those who tell the battle and the strugest for his perfect love will never change. His mercy never cease. God uses through the search of peace.

Rejoice. Rejoice. Let every tongue rejoice.

One heart, one voice. Oh church of Christ, rejoice. Young and old from every land when women of the failed hands learn the riches of his grace over all the world his people sing.

Got to show we give them all the truth that Christ through every God is all rejoice. One heart, one voice. Oh church of Christ, rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.

Let every time rejoice. One heart, one voice. Oh church of Christ rejoice.

>> All right. Thank you, boys and girls. That was awesome.

It's always good to hear kids singing um in church with us today. So, uh good morning. Uh welcome.

My name is Terry Counts. I'm the kids pastor here. We're so grateful that you decide to join us today um on this Mother's Day.

So, happy Mother's Day to every all the mothers out there. Um and to all the mothers who act like mothers to people out there. So, we're so grateful for you all, grateful for uh just the God's design of the family and and the part that mothers play in that.

So, grateful for all that you do. Um once again, welcome. We're glad that you're here.

Um if you have any questions or anything about what it means to be part of our church or um what it means to be baptized or just anything at all about our church really um at the end of our service we have a next steps area which is right outside these doors to my right um and we can answer any question you may have. You can also uh scan that QR code in front of not QR but the the tap thing in front of your on your chair uh fill out a card. All kinds of ways you can guess let us know you're here if you have any questions about anything.

Um so once again we're glad that you're here. Um, it's kind of a jam-packed service today. Uh, we had the kids sing, we have a child dedication, we have a baptism.

So, we have all the things taking place in service today. So, it's going to be a a great service. But, um, I'm going to go ahead and just move us into the the child dedication time.

And once again, we're glad that you're here. This is always one of my favorite things to do in a service. Um when we have our child dedication um we get to celebrate families as they bring their children uh to stand before you all to declare their commitment to raise them to love God and to love others.

Uh these parents recognize and have entrusted that God has entrusted their child to them and called them to teach and guide their child in faith. Uh Deuteronomy 6:es 5-7 says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. These commandments that I give to you today are to be on your hearts.

Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. And parenting kind of follows that same principle.

It's the small daily moments, morning time, meal time, bath time, drive time, and bedtime. All those moments, you know, that shape both the parent and the child. It's these simple everyday interactions to help a child feel loved and secure, which is the very first step uh to introducing them to a God who created them, loves them, and sent Jesus for them.

But let's be honest, parenting is not easy. Parenting is tough. Even with the best intentions, books, classes, um the challenges are there.

Culture tells us that our value comes from success, possessions, and popularity, bombarding us from every screen. Yet, God's story tells us a different truth. Our value comes from him.

We're made in his image and deeply loved no matter what. Uh we were each designed with a purpose to love God and to love others in the unique way that he created us. Uh Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful. I know that full well." And parenting is that way. It's amazing.

It's wonderful. It's hard. It's scary at times.

And it's an absolute blast at times. Um our role as the church is to stand with these families and say, "Hey, we're for you. We see you.

We know what you're going through. Um and we're here with you in both the joyful times and the difficult times. Uh we commit to you uh to partnering with you on this journey uh to providing resources and helping you build community and find community here.

Uh placing consistent Christf following mentors in your child's life at every stage um and cheering you on the the the during your whole journey of parenting. Um but the words of Moses and Deuteronomy 6 weren't just for parents. They were for the entire faith community.

Uh these families are making a commitment today and we as our church family are called to be a part of their circle of support. Um over the last week or so we gave these families some homework to do. We asked them to select a verse that was meaningful to them as they raised their child and to give us some words to kind of help um describe who they want their child to be.

Uh they learn to imagine the end and widen the circle. I'm imagining the end is kind of what they want their child to be like at 18 as they're getting older. Um, for example, if you want your child to be generous, maybe you teach them to be generous at 8 and give them 10 years to practice because generosity is not going to necessarily come naturally to a kid.

I know it didn't to me or my kids. So, um, and widening the circle is just meant to bring other people into their their child's life to speak the same truth that they're speaking. Um because we all know that one day they're going to become a teenager.

Um and like I always joke um I can say one thing to my teenager and he doesn't hear it. Todd says it and he's like that's the most brilliant thing I've ever heard in my life. And I'm like thank you.

So thank you Todd wherever you are. We appreciate all that you do here. So um so we're going to welcome these families onto the stage and we're going to cheer them on.

Give them a big clap um as they take this next big step in their parenting journey. So, first up we have Kenna Graphus. Mom is Alyssa Graphus.

And the verse she chose was uh 2 Timothy 4:12, which is, "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity." And she chose the word world changer um for her daughter. And then we have Carter Joshua Pendarvis. parents are Cody and Nicole Pendarvis.

They chose Isaiah 41:10, which says, "Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you.

I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." And the words they chose for Carter were encourager, leader, uh courageous, and joyful. And child dedication reminds all of us that every child is a gift.

Every day is gracefilled. and we raised them together to know the faithfulness of God. So, know that you're not alone on this parenting thing.

You got your family here, you got your friends here, and you got your whole church family here. Um, and we're on your side, and we want to see you all succeed. Uh, we want to partner with you and your family to help you uh help your child develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

So now we're going to have a time of commitment um for both the parents and the congregation and then a time of prayer and you'll be witnesses to each other as you partner to make a difference in each life's child. All right, families. Uh do you choose today to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength?

And say we do if you agree. We do. And do you accept your role as your child's primary faith influencer, committing to impress God's truth and love upon them as you live life together?

In congregation, if you'll say, "We will." If you agree with these statements, uh will you support these parents by praying for them as they lead their child spiritually? >> We will. >> And will you partner with them by teaching their child at church and modeling a Christlike life to reinforce what they are teaching at home?

>> We will. We're going to move into a time of prayer. It's just going to be a it's going to be kind of a silent time for you to pray for these families up here.

I'll give you some guided prompts and points um and then we'll wrap up. So, let's pray. God, we thank you for this day.

We thank you for these families. We thank you um that they have come to dedicate their children to you, God. That they want their child to become they want their child to come to know who you are.

Uh so, be with them and guide them as we go along the way. And now everybody, let's pray for these families as they raise their children. Let's pray for their relationships and marriages.

pray that their children uh would one day follow Jesus. Let's pray for the other adults in their kids' lives. The grandparents, friends, teachers, coaches, small group leaders.

Luke 2:52 says, "Jesus grew in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and people." May it be so with the little ones we dedicate today. Uh thank you, God, uh for all that you've done for us. We thank you for moms, um especially on today.

And we just pray that these um these little ones that we dedicate to you um will ultimately come to know who you are um as your as their father, God. So, we love you and we thank you and help us just to glorify you in all that we do. And it's your name that we pray.

Amen. Let's celebrate these families again one last time. Well, last week we had our celebrator senior adult choir.

This week we have our kids choir. And I love seeing families commit to raise their kids in a godly household. And so just want to encourage you church before we respond to God and continue to praise him in worship.

I want to read out of Psalm 145 this morning. Listen to this. God's word says, "I will extol you my God and King and bless your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend your works to another and shall declare your mighty acts.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. Well, church, we're seeing a picture of that this morning. One generation to the next telling of who God is and what he's done for us.

And we're going to stand this morning and we're going to proclaim and encourage those around us to sing out and thank the Lord for what he's done for us in Christ Jesus. Let's stand and sing. You were the word at the beginning, one with God the Lord most high glory in creation.

now revealed in you are Christ. What a beautiful name it is. What a beautiful name it is.

The name of Jesus Christ my king. What a beautiful name it is. Nothing compares to this.

What a beautiful name it is. The name of Jesus. We could have had heaven without us.

But Jesus, you brought heaven and hell. My sin was greater. Your love was greater.

What could separate us now? What a wonderful name it is. What a wonderful name it is.

The name of Jesus Christ my king. What a wonderful name it is. Nothing compares to this.

What a wonderful name it is. The name of Jesus. What a wonderful name it is.

The name of Jesus. What a beautiful name. Jesus worthy.

Death could not hold you. Failed to before you. Silence the voice of sin and grave.

Heaven is our roaring. The praise of your glory for you are raised to life again. You have no rival.

You have no equal now and forever. God, you reign. Yours is the king.

Yours is the glory. Yours is the name of all. What a powerful name it is.

What a powerful name is the name of Jesus Christ my king. What a powerful name is nothing can stand against. What a powerful name is the name of Jesus.

You have no rival. You have no equal now and forever. Are you yours is the king of yours is the glor is the name of all.

What a name it is. What a powerful name is the name of Jesus Christ might. What a powerful name it is.

Nothing can stand against. What a powerful name it is. The name of Jesus.

What a powerful name it is. The name of Jesus. What powerful name is.

The name of Jesus. You are worthy, Lord. You are worthy of it all.

You are worthy of it all. For from you are all things and to you are all things. You deserve the gloryy.

Sing it again. You are worthy of it all. >> Yes, you are Lord.

You are worthy of it all. For from you are all things and to you are all things. Lord, you deserve the glory.

>> Reduce our voices this morning. Let's lift this up, church. >> You are worthy of it all.

>> You are worthy of it all. For from you are all things and to you are all things. You deserve the glory.

>> Amen. We give him praise in this house today. Church, we have so much to celebrate.

Amen. Amen. Well, church, as you're being seated this morning, as you've seen if you've been here over the last few weeks and months, uh we're able to celebrate all that God's doing in the life of this church in so many ways, but one way is we get to see a picture of what God does to us spiritually through the waters of baptism.

So, let's celebrate this morning. >> Good morning, church. Um I'm Dave Banister.

I'm the director of evangelism here. And you know, sometimes we might ask ourselves, what is evangelism? Well, it has taken the gospel to the other side of the street as we talk about here at First Baptist and also around the world.

And I'm so excited this morning uh that we've got four folks that we met in the park on March 28th who have accepted Jesus and come to follow him in baptism this morning. So, I'm going to ask Miss D if you would come. This is Devandra.

Her she goes by D. and um she met some folks at our church uh the Hathaways through the angel tree and started planting some seeds and sharing there. She also met Miss Fion.

They've become good friends. And then that day in the park, it was my privilege to see you as you accepted Jesus. Um I want to ask you a question.

Uh have you confessed Jesus to save you from your sins? And do you want to follow him for the rest of your life? >> Yes.

Based on that profession, my sister, I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. >> Next up, we have these two daughters. Uh, first we have Meonesty.

My honesty, have you confessed Jesus as your Lord and Savior and do you want to follow him the rest of your life? >> Yes. >> Based on that profession of faith, my sister, I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

And now we have the youngest daughter, Malaysia. Malaysia, have you confessed Jesus as your Lord and Savior? And do you want to follow him the rest of your life?

>> Yes. >> Based on that profession of faith, my sister, I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Next up coming is Jasmine Pots.

Really neat story here. Um, Jasmine has a cousin, Toya, who's a pastor, and she cared so much about you that she shared the gospel over the phone with you, didn't she? >> And then, Pastor Jeff and Susan actually shared with her that day in the park, and she's now trusted in Jesus and affirmed in her faith.

Is it your confession that you confess Jesus as your Lord and Savior and you want to follow him the rest of your life? >> Yes. Based on that profession of faith, my sister, I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

There's there's nothing more joyful than seeing people come uh to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. And we're so thankful for these four this morning. Let's go to the Lord in prayer.

Dear heavenly father God, we just thank you Lord that you had a plan for each of these young women uh to accept you and how they've got a desire to follow you this morning in baptism and they've got a desire to follow you in disciplehip on this special Mother's Day. God, we just give you all praise and glory uh for these four. And Lord, just thank you so much.

May you continue to bless their lives. May you have our church continue to be out sharing the gospel. And may we disciple these young women and continue to love on them in Jesus mighty name.

Amen. >> Well, it is exciting to see all that God's doing and we get to be a part of it. And just even even as we think about these these last few moments uh that we've had just just one thank you.

Thank you for uh your prayers. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for the men and women who invest in children and student ministries.

And it's just it's making a difference. it's making a difference now uh in their lives but also uh for all eternity. And so thank you to the men and women who pour into uh the next generation there.

And thank you for those that are uh sharing your faith and and allowing God to use you sometimes to plant a seed, sometimes to water seeds that have already been planted, and sometimes you get to be there and experience the joy of a harvest moment. And so we we are thankful for that as we continue to pray for our one, maybe one that's near and dear to us but is not yet close to God. And we're praying that God would use us to point uh us point them to him.

Also, if you're here and you say, "Hey, Pastor Jeff, we got some questions. I got a question about what it means to be a follower of Christ, what it means to follow Christ in baptism." We would be delighted to uh have that conversation with you. We have next steps areas in our lobbies after the service.

Please stop by or uh if you want to reach out to us online, you can use that tap card in front of you and just say next steps or and let us know of your your presence and how we can walk with you along the way. In just a moment, we're going to dive into our message here. But before we do, I also have one other point of celebration that I want to invite you to join in.

uh and uh that is just out of our partnership and even your your faithfulness in in giving in so many different ways. And so uh let me see if we can uh I'll try to make sure this pulls up on the screen. But this week, and it's I think significant.

It's Mother's Day uh week here. Uh because we choose to partner with other churches to do better together than what we could do separately. This week we just placed one the 100th ultrasound machine in a crisis pregnancy center here in North America.

Now that I that maybe that doesn't hit you, but that that is that is significant because there is something that happens. Sure. Absolutely.

Celebrate that. Celebrate that. There is something significant that happens uh when a when a woman or when a a couple in crisis and they're not sure what they're going to do and an ultrasound machine gives them a window into the womb.

And that window so often changes everything. It changes the decision. It changes their mindset.

They've been told that's just a clump of cells, but they see a heart beating and they see fingers and toes forming and they recognize the preciousness and the value of human life. And so, thank you. Thank you for giving.

Thank you for praying. Thank you for many of you volunteer even here locally through the Palmetto Women's Center. Uh they're scattered all across the the country.

And so you you and your giving have helped place a hundred different machines uh that it's untold how many lives you've helped to rescue and save because of your giving. So thank you. Thank you so so much uh for giving.

Let's pray together before we jump in to God's word. Father, thank you. Thank you for life.

Thank you for uh this Mother's Day and thank you for Lord many of us can just give praise for uh the moms that we grew up with and how they have poured into our lives and father we pray that they would be celebrated and honored for some of us. Father it it is about remembering a mom who is no longer physically present with us and I pray father that you might might bring comfort today. Father, we thank you for moms that have chosen life because of technology like ultrasound machines.

And Father, we just pray that you would continue to use those to to multiply that choice for life, Father, that that Huba knows all that you intend to do through those lives that have been spared through those ultrasound machines. And Lord, we thank you for the men and women who often times volunteer their time, give resources to help fund crisis pregnancy centers all across this land. And we pray that that good work would continue.

Father, we pray today, thanking you for families dedicating their children. We pray, Father, for families as we wrap up this series of messages on the family today. Father, we pray Lord that that we would genuinely have Christ centered families.

Father, we pray that marriages would flourish. We pray for families that that we would pour in to one another, that parents would be intentional in pouring in to the children that you've entrusted to their care. We pray, Father, that that would multiply.

We pray that you would continue to call forth men and women to serve in next generation ministries here in the life of our church to continue to pour into those young lives that make such a difference now and forever. Father, thank you for your word and we ask you now to take it and and quicken it to our hearts and minds. And we pray this together now in Christ Jesus' name.

Amen. Well, thank you. Well, we're going to be talking in this uh last uh message on this series of of blueprint, God's design for the family about family secrets.

All right? Now, I don't know if that makes you nervous or not. Uh when you think of family secrets, maybe you think of something like this, right?

Some of you, some of you have been on a children or a preschool hall. You know what happens, right? You know, mom and dad come in, they say, "Hey, everything's fine.

Everybody's got their Sunday smile on." Then their kids tell the rest of the story, right? Well, relax. We're not going to talk about those secrets in here.

On the kids hall, they're talking about those secrets right now, but but we're not going to talk about those secrets in here. I want you to think maybe a a different kind of secret. I want you to think about like a secret ingredient for a recipe.

The the secret ingredient of Coke or uh the 11 herbs and spices of KFC chicken or maybe you think about your mother or your grandmother's favorite dish that you just loved. And even though you have the recipe, you can't quite 100% duplicate the taste. There's just something that they know, some little secret that somehow makes it so much better when they fix it.

And I want to talk about those little things that make a big difference because minor changes can make a major difference in our life and so many areas including in our relationships. And sometimes people say, "Well, I don't know. Does a little thing really make a difference?" Well, let me let me see.

Have you ever been in a dark room laying there at night and started to hear a mosquito buzzing around you? It's a little thing that changes your sleep, doesn't it? Right.

Or or or or maybe maybe you have a series of numbers and if you just move the decimal point over one place, it makes a huge difference, doesn't it? It makes a huge difference. or have seen some huge, strong, muscular, macho guys brought to tears by a little old kidney stone, right?

Some of you are like, "Oh my gosh, that's Yeah, sorry for bringing back the memory there." Right? A little thing can make such an incredible difference. And so what I want to do, I I want us to look just real quickly this morning.

And we'll do it in a kind of a flyby fashion, six secrets that make a major difference in our relationships. Uh beginning and we'll kind of focus on the marriage relationship, but these are applicable to so many areas of our life. The first one is communication.

Communication. I love this paraphrase from the message of Proverbs 13:17. Irresponsible talk makes a real mess of things, right?

But a reliable reporter is a healing presence. You know, communication is so essential in so many different areas of life. Susan and I are trying to learn how to play pickle ball, okay?

And one of the things they they tell you is if I if you want to test your the the folks on the other side of the net, hit the shot back in the middle. And if they're married, it's a marriage tester, right? It's a marriage tester, right?

Because if you don't communicate, you're both going to kind of look at each other as that ball goes sailing by, right? You have to communicate in those moments. And while it seems like such a small thing and a and a thing that we should almost do for ease, the truth is we don't do it very well.

In 2009, UCLA did a study of 30 dual career families and they actually had microphones in their home for a while. And and what they determined through this study of these couples is that they only engaged in listen to about 35 minutes of quality meaningful conversation during a week and often their conversation focused merely on logistics, errands and to-do list. And this phenomena highlighted something for the study that this lack of deep emotional connection that partners became roommates amidst their busy schedules.

And we get it. Communication is challenging in almost every environment, right? It is a skill.

There's some skills that we have to learn and we have to continue to develop. I read a humorous story of a judge who was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. And she he asked her, he said, "Ma'am," he said, "Now, what are the grounds for your divorce?" And she replied, "Well, we got about four acres and we got a nice little home in the middle of it with a probably little stream running by it." He said, "No, ma'am.

No, ma'am. No, ma'am. I mean, what is the foundation of your case?" She said, 'Well, it's made of concrete and brick and mortar, your honor.

He said, he's getting frustrated. He said, I mean, okay, let me let me approach this differently, ma'am. What are your relations like?

Said, well, we have an a I have an aunt and uncle who live here in town and and and my my my husband's parents do, too. No, ma'am. No, no.

I'm trying to understand. Do you have a grudge? Well, no, sir.

has said, "We we have a twocar carport. We've never had a need for a garage." And no said, "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" She thought for a moment said, "Well, yes." Yes. About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.

Finally. I mean, that judge is just frustrated at this point, right? And he finally responds, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" She said, 'I don't want a divorce.

I never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he just can't communicate with me.

Right now, your communication's probably not that bad. Right? But it can be challenging, can it?

It can be challenging. And I get it. Life is busy.

The pace is sometimes relentless. If you've got kids and you're in that child rearing stage and you're trying to manage schedules and get people to the right place at the right time and all the pressures and all the responsibilities that come, it can be challenging. A few years ago, we had Gary and Barb Rossberg here who did a marriage conference for us.

And one of the things that they suggested was for a couple to set aside just 20 minutes a day for a couple check-in with one another. And they said, you just kind of build start to build this into the rhythm. And they even suggested have a place where you go.

You just know every every evening or in the morning or whatever it's going to be for you. You know, this is we're going to go and sit in this place and you know, if you need a timer, you know, timer, put a timer going. But we're just going to check in with each other because we need those rhythms because if we don't make time for it, it tends to get pushed to the periphery of our life.

Communication includes expressive skills and listening skills. Expressive skills, the way we express oursel, the way we talk, the way we communicate our our thoughts, our wants, our deeds, and listening skills. and just a quick flyby.

I know many of you have had communication training in your workplace and sometimes we do it better in our workplace than we do in our family. But to practice active listening by giving full attention by acknowledging your partner's feelings without interruption. Sometimes it's just about putting the screens down for a few minutes to reflect back on what you hear to ensure clarity and show understanding of their perspective.

Using eye statements to express your feelings, which helps to avoid sounding accusatory. Avoiding assumptions by asking open-ended questions to uncover deeper understanding. Here's one.

Be patient and allow time for the other person to articulate their thoughts. Oftenimes, one person is is quicker on their think. They're they're quicker to form thoughts and ideas and to be able to to articulate those.

And sometimes some people a little more time to process, a little more time to to form those words and those thoughts. And sometimes some of us want to hurry the conversation on, right? Let let me finish that sentence for you.

I know what you're thinking. I know. Let me I know.

Let them let them express, right? Be willing to take a time out if either of you gets overloaded. And then be willing to validate feelings, emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with them.

Communication and learning to do that and carving out space and time to do that is a little thing that makes a huge difference. But there's a second C and all these are going to be C's today. Consideration.

Consideration. Paul wrote to the Ephesians with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. That that we come with humility, we come with gentleness.

We come with a patience that's willing to bear with one another in love. James talks about the wisdom from above, the wisdom from God. It's pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

There is this this perspective of consideration. You say, Jeff, what do you mean by consideration? I mean paying attention.

Paying attention to what another says, does, feels, wants, and needs. Right? I I I'm taking into consideration the other person, what they may be experiencing, what they may be thinking, what they're actually saying, maybe what's not being said.

And in consideration, it's often just those little little things that count, right? Active listening and your presence, being fully present, not just occasionally looking up from the screen and going, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh." That's consideration.

Anticipating needs, proactively taking on tasks to to ease their load. Maybe it's something as simple as making coffee or running an errand for them or helping to clean up or helping to to h handle a load. Whatever it may be, sometimes it's just a small gesture, an appreciation, expressing gratitude, doing that regularly, leaving notes, right?

Maybe it's just an impromptu voicemail or a text in the middle of the day just to say, "I was thinking about you. I was considering you." And sometimes it looks like respecting boundaries and space, recognizing that depending on their temperament and personality, they just might need a little space and you're willing to give that to them for out of consideration. teamwork.

Instead of always thinking about I when making a decision, I consider how might my actions impact somebody else. If I do this, not only what's in it for me, but how is it going to impact them? How is it going to impact my friend?

How's it going to impact the other members of my family? How's it going to impact the people that I work with? And then supportive behavior consideration.

sometimes means encouragement. Encouraging their dreams, celebrating their successes, offering a helping hand in something that they're passionate about, even if you aren't necessarily as passionate about it. We have consideration.

We have communication. But there's also going to be a need for compromise, right? Compromise along the way.

When Paul was giving those descriptors of love in the first part of 1 Corinthians 13, he says love does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It it doesn't always have to be like my way.

It's willing to recognize that there may be other perspectives. There may be another way. Now, we talked about this last week in a little more detail.

We talked about family feuds. Every relationship has conflicts. Unity does not mean uniformity.

It doesn't mean we always see eye to eye. We always agree. We always think about things and approach things in the same way.

Every relationship has conflicts. No matter how much you love each other, you'll always have some things that you disagree about. And sometimes that comes to a shock, right?

It's like, whoa. And when did that start happening in our relationship? It wasn't that way.

When we were dating, right? We we do we we're different. And we we talked about some of those those differences last week.

But here's one thing I want to just suggest to you. The greater your differences, the greater your potential for growth. Paul's I don't know if you've thought ever framed it that way.

Sometimes it's just like, man, we are so different. It's just nothing but a challenge. Well, it is challenging at times, but it also may be, hey, God brought us together.

God has us connected in this relationship, and we are so different. And those differences are an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to draw things out of me, to help me to see things, to move in a direction that God wants me to move in.

is so I I I learn I learn to respect differences. I learn that I'm not always right. I learn that I don't always have to insist on my own way.

I learn that compromise isn't always a a dirty word. And I'm not talking about compromising a clear ethical command of God. And not we're not talking about that.

It's just in our approach, how we do things, how we look at things, how we how we choose to spend our time or how we approach problems or finances or whatever it might be because we will have to compromise. So we communicate and we communicate with a heart of consideration and out of that at times we will wisely and appropriately compromise. But a fourth little thing that makes a big difference and this is primarily in a marriage relationship now is courtship.

Is courtship, right? Let your fountain, Proverbs 5 says, be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Ecclesiastes says, "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love." I like it like to put it this way.

If there were more courting in marriages, there'd be less marriages in court. Do you agree? If there were more courting in marriages, right?

There there's something sometimes that happens particularly in the marriage relationship, particularly after we get busy and the responsibilities and we they just stack up. Complexity seems to increase with each decade of life, right? And and sometimes those those little things that we did when we were dating, those little things that we we we used to do, those those get shoved to the side, right?

That they're no longer. And I recognize we're different. Different seasons of life or we're growing.

We're different people. But courting still matters. But see, as the years go by, we tend to share the chores more and the joys less, don't we?

Because there's always something to do. There's always something to be maintained, right? There's that old saying, what you own eventually begins to own you, right?

I have a house now and it needs this, this, this, this. I have this car, we have multiple cars, we have this, we have that. All these things we have to take care of and the chores seem to increase and sometimes the joys get shoved to the side.

And so it just looks like those little things. And again, it varies from person to person, couple to couple, family to family. Maybe guys, for the women in your life, it might look as simple as still holding hands.

It might look like leaving a voicemail or texting to say, "Hey, I was thinking about you. Might be placing an arm around." Maybe those little things, not just on the big holidays. I got you flowers on Mother's Day, but those little things along the way.

Ladies, for the men, it might even look like just a thank you. I know he always does that. And he says he doesn't.

You don't have to thank him, but it go ahead and do it. Appreciation matters. And here's bragging on them in front of others.

Huge. Huge. Why is it that sometimes we find it acceptable, right, to to complain about our spouses in front of others instead of bragging on them in front of others?

And so just what is it? What is it? Yeah, you you you know each other.

What is it that looks like courting to you? Maybe some what are some things I used to do that I don't do as often anymore cording little thing that makes a huge huge difference number five commitment commitment Ephesians says make every effort make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace that this this unity of the spirit This bond of peace isn't going to happen by accident. It's not going to happen without intentionality.

It's not going to happen without effort. It's not going to happen without a commitment along the way. It's been well said that before marriage, opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack, right?

And isn't it that way? It's kind of like, you know, when we were dating, that was that was just that was so cute. That was quirky.

I just love that about them until I had to live with it every day. And then it's like, I don't know, it's not quite as cute and quirky now. Right.

Some of you are like looking at each other now. You know what he's talking about, right? Yeah.

And that's that principle at work that sometimes that this person's different from me and it's it's attractive. But then when you're in this relationship and you're connected and your life is like it's we instead of just me, then sometimes it becomes challenging. It becomes that which which causes us to attack one another along the way.

So in light of that, what is commitment? Let me describe it this way. A commitment is being willing to be unhappy until we work it out.

And I didn't didn't hear me say it's a commitment just to be unhappy the rest of my life. It's going to say, you know what, I realize that in the real world, and we talked about this in the series, we both bring our baggage in. We're both sinners.

We're living in a sin scarred, sin distorted world. I'm bringing my junk in a world that's filled with junk and we're we're going to have seasons where we are not happy. I'm not happy.

They're not happy. Commitment says I'm willing to push through a season of unhappy until we work it out. Until we work Isn't that Isn't that kind of like what our marriage vows used to say?

for better, for worse, richer, for poorer, sickness, health. A lot of those things are not happy, but I'm going to push through as we continue to work it out. Here's a thought.

What if What if God designed marriage not primarily to make you happy, but to make you holy? Now, don't misunderstand me. It's not like God's against happiness.

It's not like, I want you to be miserable the rest of your life so you can be holy, right? That's not it. That's not it.

In fact, as I'm convinced to the core of my being uh that as we walk with God, as we walk in accordance with God's good design, remember what we said in the beginning of this series, the family was God's idea. When we walk according to God's design, it brings fulfillment. It brings hope.

It brings power. It brings purpose. It brings love.

It brings joy. It brings happiness into our lives. The the more we walk in a holiness, the more we walk holy unto him, holy aligned with his good will and way, the more I'm convinced happiness that we will have over the long run of our life.

But here's what happens. Sometimes in a season of unhappiness, and I realize a season can sometimes be a long time. Sometimes in a season of happiness, we fall into the eitheror trap.

And I can't tell you the number of of folks through the years I've heard just walk straight into this trap. The eitheror trap says, "I am either going to be unhappy. Sometimes they'll say miserable the rest of my life or we're going to get a divorce." Either.

I mean, those are the only two options. the only two options. But here's what I want to tell you.

There's a third way. There's God's way. It's to push through a season of unhappiness.

It's to to open yourself up to to input from outside of yourself. See, sometimes we operate like a closed system. And and if if the system's broken and we don't get any input from the outside, it's going to keep being broken, isn't it?

Sometimes we just need to open ourselves up to to coaching, to to mentoring, to counseling, right? And allow God to say, "Unhappy doesn't have to have the final word. Brokenness doesn't have to have the final word.

There is another way." And in our church family, there are couples here that could testify. We were we were thinking it was either or. But we opened oursel up.

We opened oursel up to a third way that maybe, just maybe, God could do something. We opened oursel up to input from others. And God did what we didn't think was possible.

He brought healing. and he brought restoration. But it had to begin with a commitment that said, "I am willing to be unhappy until we work it out." Until we work it out.

And then one more and that kind of dovetales right off of this commitment and that is Christ. Christ. This a secret to a happy family, a secret to the life that he wants us to have, to to the relationships is is to have Christ central to it all.

And this is where I want to take us to 2 Corinthians 5 14 and 15. For the love of Christ, Paul writes, controls us because we have concluded this that one has died for all and therefore all have died. And he died for all.

Listen, that those who live might no longer live for themselves, but for him who for their sake died and was raised. When when I am become overwhelmed with the love of Christ for me, it compels, it controls me to live differently. I'm not going to live for the world's definition of success or happiness.

I'm going to live for the one who loved me like I've never been loved. The one who was willing to die in my place to forgive my sin, to draw me to himself. I'm going to live my life yielded and walking with him.

And when I do, it impacts all the relationships of my life. The love of Christ flows in me and it overflows out of me into the lives of others and into the relationships of my life. When Christ is central.

Earlier in this series, we talked about God's uh math. One time one equals one. And we we looked at that X and reminded that that's that's the the the symbol in Greek of the of the first letter of Christ.

And one times one one Christ in the middle of that relationship changes everything. Sometimes when we're doing premarital counseling, I have the the diagram like this little triangle. And we'll try to say to a couple, you know, you think it's just we're entering into the marriage.

It's the two of us, right? Sounds like a song. two of us.

But it's more than that, right? It's not just the husband and the wife, but there's a third. God's in the marriage.

And here's here's kind of the word picture that I I want you to have. I If you look at that triangle, and as the husband and the wife draw closer to Christ, they can't help but draw closer to each other. That's what happens when Christ is central in our life.

That begins to affect our relationships. It's it's almost a byproduct. We're not doing it to get closer to our spouse, but as we get closer to Christ and they get closer to Christ, we get closer to each other.

I like the way that Paul Trip wrote about it. He said, 'It's only when a husband and wife each live in a purposeful and joyful allegiance to the plans, purpose, and Lord of the kingdom of God that their marriage can really be a place of unity, understanding, and love. Christ has to be central.

Now, as we come to the end of this message, maybe you're hearing these six secrets and your mind's going a little bit hopefully. And maybe you're thinking, "Yeah, you know, we could work on our communication. I need to grow in my consideration.

I got to learn to compromise better. Yeah, I've kind of started to slip on the courtship." or maybe maybe there's some tweaking on my commitment and all of that is good and all of those things matter deeply. But here's the truth.

None of those things will fully heal a heart that's never been changed by Jesus Christ. The greatest secret to a healthy family is not better techniques, but a transformed life. That's why Paul wrote here in 2 Corinthians 5, Christ died for us so we would no longer live for ourselves but for him.

And many families are struggling not because they lack information. I mean we have information everywhere but because they need transformation. You can read the books, you can attend the conferences, you can learn communication skills.

All good and valuable things. But if self is still on the throne of your life, conflict will continue to arise. Pride will continue to divide and hurt will continue to spread.

Because in the end, only Jesus Christ can change a human heart. He can forgive your sin. He can heal your past.

He can break chains of anger and selfishness and bitterness and pride. He can give you a power to love even when love seems impossible. Some of you may be here today and you've been trying to fix a marriage.

You've been trying to fix a relationship while you've been ignoring your relationship with God. But the strongest relationships, the strongest marriages are built with Christ at the center. So maybe today on this Mother's Day, and I know it's a holiday, and I know all the baggage that kind of goes with these holidays.

Maybe today there's a husband that God is prompting to begin again to lead his family spiritually. Maybe there's a wife who today needs to release the hurt and pain of the past and surrender her heart a new to Christ Jesus. Maybe today there's a couple that needs to stop pretending that everything is fine and bring their brokenness to Christ and open themselves up to to the body of Christ and the healing that he can bring.

Maybe today there's a parent that says, "I need wisdom and I need strength beyond my own." There's a student, there's a child who needs to trust Christ for salvation. The good news of the gospel is that Jesus Christ loved you. He loved you just as you are, and he loves you way too much to leave you that way.

He loved you enough to die on the cross for your sins, to rise again so that you could be forgiven and made new. But it it requires you to to be willing to turn to turn from self-ruule and self-righteousness and entrust yourself fully and completely to him, not only is the forgiver of your sin, but the rightful leader and lord of your life. Because your greatest need is not a better family.

Your greatest need is a savior. And when Christ changes a person, he begins to change a marriage. He begins to change a home.

He begins to change a family tree. He begins to change even future generations. And maybe today you're just thinking, "Pastor Jeff, my life is broken.

My marriage is struggling. My family has wounds. I need forgiveness.

I need Christ. Then let today, even though it's Mother's Day, let today be the day of surrender. Let today be the day that you drop the facade, you set aside pride, and you come to Jesus.

You don't have to leave this place carrying the weight of your sin, your shame, your regret, or your hopelessness. Jesus is inviting you to come to him. To come to him for salvation, to come to him to recommmit your your marriage, your family to the Lord, to come and ask for help.

To come and surrender your life fully to Jesus Christ. Because the greatest family secret of all is this. When Christ becomes the center of your home, he begins doing what no human effort could ever accomplish on its own.

We want you to flourish in all of your relationships. We want your family to flourish, but it only will when Christ is the center of it all. Let's go to him together in prayer, please.

Oh father, thank you for the family. It was your idea. It was intended for your glory and our good.

And Lord, when we when we walk in alignment with your good design, with who you created us to be and how you created us to function in relationships, Father, it it changes everything. Now Lord, we recognize painfully the reality of of of hurt and pain. But Father, we also recognize Lord that that you are the healer.

You are the restorer. You are the God who who transforms and changes. And so Father, we ask today, we ask Lord that you would move in each of our hearts.

Lord, whatever our next step is to to take one step closer to you. Lord, let that transformation begin in us and out of a transformed life, heart, mind. You begin to transform the relationships of our life.

Father, bring healing, bring hope, bring restoration. We ask this today in the strong and powerful name of Christ Jesus. Amen.

Hey, listen. For some of you, I know it's a holiday. I know it's Mother's Day.

You probably have plans, but some of you don't need to walk off this campus before talking to somebody about your next step. We have some of our pastors in the lobbies at the next step areas. They're going to be available to you.

Whatever that next step looks like for you, don't walk away without talking to somebody about it today. As always, you can reach out online through the tap card in front of you. Just even as we're we're singing, you you may want to just tap that card and quickly write out, "Hey, I want to have a conversation.

I have a question. I want to talk with somebody." We would love to come alongside you. Let's help one another flourish in our lives, in our families, in our relationships.

We've mentioned through this series that we have some resources to help you to continue to grow in your relationship. It's on your note-taking guide. Just go to the website under resources and click homeward.

There's just some self-paced things you can look at for your marriage, for parenting, for all different types of things. I think it'll be a great resource for you. Please, it's free to you.

Please check that out along the way. And then if you need a homework assignment, you might want to just go back through those six and even just say, "Hey, where am I on a scale of 1 to 10? Where do you think we are on a scale of 1 to 10?

What might be something we could do to move from whatever number we're at today to one number better in that little thing that can make such a big difference?" I'm going to invite you to stand with us. We're going to close as we praise our God together today. Praise him for the love that he gives to us in Christ Jesus.

For the love that we have in connection and relationship with others. If you're new here, I haven't had a chance to meet you yet. I'd love to have that chance.

Sus and I are going to head to the back lobby. Please swing by. We'd love to have meet you before you take off today.

Let's worship the one who loves us enough to come and die for us. Let's praise him. I stand raised in the presence of Jesus the Nazerie.

And wonder how he could love me. A sinner condemned. And how marvelous, how wonderful in my song shall ever be.

How marvelous, how wonderful is my Savior's love for me. He took our sins. He took my sins and my sorrows.

He made them his very own. Thank you, Lord. He bore the burden to Calary and suffered and died alone.

We're singing. How marvelous, how wonderful and my song shall ever be. How marvelous, how wonderful is my Savior's love for me.

When with the ransom, every voice When with the ransom in glory, his face I at last shall sing. Will be my joy. Will be my joy through the ages.

To sing of his love for me. We're singing how marvelous, how wonderful and my song shall ever be. How marvelous, how wonderful is my savior's love for me.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. Tell someone you love happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.

We love you. See you next week.