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[music] >> MHM. >> [music] >> GOOD MORNING EVERYONE. I'M RENEE AND WELCOME to First Baptist Church Fort Mill.

We are so excited you and your family are here. Whether you are joining us online or in person, there are so many ways to stay connected here at the church. Calling all women and teen girls, join us for a Victory Sports Service Project as we prepare VBS supplies for summer camps.

[music] You can register for the service night at fbcfm.com/events. And our next ladies lunch bunch will be on Sunday, April 26th at Brixx Wood Fired Pizza in Fort Mill. This is a chance to connect with other ladies in our church.

Please bring a friend. Just register online. And our next child dedication Sunday will be on May 10th.

Child dedication is a public expression of your desire to follow God and raise your child to love Jesus. The deadline to register is May 1st. And our men's ministry quarterly event will feature speaker and former South Carolina Gamecock quarterback Connor Shaw.

The event will be on May 28th beginning at 6:45. Early registration is now underway through May 1st. [music] To learn more about the event, just go to our website.

And it's hard to believe that Vacation Bible School is right around the corner and we would love for your child [music] to join in on the fun as we plunge into a lifelong adventure of discovering [music] the nature of God. VBS this year will be June 7th through the 11th and you can register [music] your child on our website. And we still need volunteers to help make the week a success.

[music] Thanks again for being here with us today. We would love to stay connected with you throughout the week and there are some simple ways that you can do that. You can simply follow the instructions on the tap card located in front of you [music] or fill out a connect card.

And thank you so much for your faithful giving. Because of it, we can share the hope of Christ here in our community and around the world. [music] Thanks again for being here.

Have a great weekend. Well, good morning church. How are you doing?

It is so good to see you this morning and as you can see we have a lot going on but let me tell you this, we do not have a lot going on just for the sake of having a lot going on. We go have a lot going on because Jesus Christ will be glorified through the things that we do. To to present the gospel and to praise him and so that is the focus of of who we are, our heartbeat.

We're prayerful church and so I just want to bring that to your attention. I want to mention just something real quick. When I woke this morning, I thought, you know, it's so good to gather as a as a body of believers because the Bible tells us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind and all our strength.

And there are some ways as community that God shows up here that allows us to love him from that aspect that we cannot do if we're on our own, right? And so I'm glad that you're here. By the way, my name is Matthew Boyle.

I am the pastor of care and senior adult pastor. And I just want to say if you're new or if you're visiting with us, we want to say thank you for being here and because of that, we have a special gift in the lobby to my right or right behind and it's it involves chocolate. It's a cup with chocolate.

So if you love chocolate, you want to make sure you get that gift and your kids if they're sitting with you are like, yeah, mom and dad, you need to get that that chocolate. So So if you're visiting with us, we want to say thank you with that gift but we also just want to say we want to connect with you. We want to know that you're here.

We want to reach out to you. One of our pastors will reach out to you. Could be me and you can fill out a connect card by tapping on the card on the uh um the um connect card.

It's not a card but it's the little tap card right there at the end on the seat in front of you or you can fill out old school the the card and put it in one of these black boxes on the way out. And then we'll reach out to you and we'll say hi and we'll ask answer any questions you might have. With that, let's go to the Lord in prayer and we'll continue worship through song.

Heavenly Father, I just want to thank you and praise you that you have not only redeemed us individually but you've redeemed us for the purpose of of worshipping in community. And right now, I know that that there's many here that are either hurting in some way, whether it's hurting uh spiritually, emotionally, financially, having a a parent or a brother or a sister or uh mom or dad, somebody that they're just really concerned about. And so I pray that even even our marriages that where we sometimes struggle in our marriages, I pray that you would use this message particularly today to to inform us in a way that brings you glory but also makes a positive impact on who we are as individuals within the context of marriage.

So we pray that you speak through Jeff in that way and I pray that this morning you would be high and lifted up and we praise you, Lord Jesus. In your name we pray. Amen.

Well, amen. Thank you, Pastor Matthew. You know, no one's ever highlighted the chocolate, Pastor Matthew.

That's a good strategy from here on out. We're going to have to highlight that a little bit more but we are glad you guys are here today. Whether you're worshipping with us across campus in the chapel or online.

I hope you're encouraged. I just want to read a little bit of Revelation 4 church as we before we sing we like to read God's word so we can respond to his revelation to us. And this is talking about the living creatures in Revelation it says this.

Every day and night they never cease to say holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come. And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne who lives forever and ever the 24 elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne saying worthy are you our Lord and God to receive glory and honor and power for you created all things and by your will they existed and were created.

Church we worship the one true God this morning. Not not a false God not some idea that that mankind came up with but a God who entered into time in which he created and we can look back to a real redemptive history of how Jesus Christ came in the flesh fully God fully man and that God loved you so much that he took your place on the cross to absorb God's wrath that you and I deserve. And so he is worthy as Pastor Matthew said the reason we gather together and we're commanded in the scriptures to sing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs doesn't say alone it says to one another with thankfulness in our hearts is because of what Christ did for us.

So let's do that this morning. Let's encourage each other as we stand and we thank God for who he is and what he's done for us. Let's stand and sing.

>> [singing] [music] [singing] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing and music] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [music and singing] [singing] [music] [music and singing] [singing] [music] [music and singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music and singing] [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music and singing] [music] [singing] [music] >> The Lord loves you more than you know this morning church. So let's give thanks to him. >> [music] [singing] [music] [music and singing] [music] [singing] [music] [music and singing] [singing] [music] [singing] >> Who could imagine [music] us lift this up?

>> [music] [singing] [music] >> Thank you Lord. >> [music and singing] [music] >> Come on church. >> [music] [singing] [music] [singing] [music] >> Then [music] came [singing] the morning that sealed the promise.

Your buried [singing] body [music] began to breathe. Out of [singing] the silence, the roaring lion >> [music] >> declared the grave [singing] has no claim on me. >> [music] >> Then came the morning >> [music] >> that sealed the [singing] promise.

Your buried body [music] began to breathe. Out of the silence, [music and singing] the roaring lion declared the grave has no claim >> [music] >> on me. >> [music] >> Hallelujah.

Praise the one who set me >> [music] >> free. Hallelujah. Death >> [music] >> has lost its grip on me.

You have broken every chain. There's >> [music] >> salvation in your name, Jesus Christ, my living hope. Hallelujah.

>> [music] >> Praise the one who set me free. Hallelujah. >> [music] >> Death has lost its grip on me.

You have broken every chain. There's salvation in your name, Jesus [music] Christ, my living hope. Jesus Christ, my living hope.

God, you are [music] my living Well, amen, church. That's our one true hope today, the living savior, Jesus Christ. So, as you're being seated, church, we want to continue to celebrate all that God's doing in the life of families.

We're going to hear about God's design from for family as Pastor Jeff preaches today, but let's come alongside this family who's been discipling their children, and we get to see what God's done in their lives through baptism today. Good morning, church. How are you?

My name is Ben Buchanan. I have the privilege today of baptizing my sons. This is Bowen Avery.

He is in the fifth grade at Tiki Creek Elementary, and he's decided to profess his faith this morning. Bow, do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God? Yes, sir.

Do you trust him with all your heart? >> Yes, sir. >> [applause] >> This is my son, Charleston Buchanan.

He is in the sixth grade uh at Gold Hill Middle School. Charlie, do you believe Jesus Christ is the son of God? Yes.

Do you accept him as your Lord and Savior? Yes. So, I baptize you in Christ.

Had to get him all the way under. >> [applause] >> Eggy. All right, it's always fun to to see folks take those initial steps as a follower of Jesus Christ in the waters of baptism.

And and to do that in front of their church family and their biological family. So, thank you for being part of that and celebrating that with them. We do want to just uh remind you, you may hear here and say, "What is baptism?" Doing anything either, huh?

Okay. Let's see if we can turn it up. Somehow this side is dead.

Nope. Oh, now. Now.

Now we're synced up. Well, what I said before must not have been too important, but uh we do celebrate uh those who take that step and uh and just want to say, maybe you're here and you're not sure uh what your next step is. Maybe it is to to baptism.

Maybe it's to explore a relationship with Christ or get connected to a group. And so, what I encourage you, uh go to our next steps area at the close of our service or use that tap card in front of you and just hit next steps when it comes up, and we'd be honored uh to come alongside you as you continue to take your next step in following Christ. We always set aside time in the context of our service to pray together, and we have started a series of messages on uh the family, and we thought it appropriate to pause and to pray uh particularly for families.

And so, uh what I'm going to ask you to do is to just adopt whatever posture is helps you to focus on God, and we're going to just spend a few moments, and I'm going to just going to give you some prompts as we uh go before the Lord together in prayer. So, as you just uh just adopt a posture just to focus on God, let's take a moment and just be still. The scripture says, "Be still and know that I am God." Be still in his presence for just a moment.

And as you recognize his presence, would you would you just even give thanks to him for allowing you to be a part of the family of God? Would you give thanks for the the death, the burial, the resurrection, the life of Jesus Christ that makes forgiveness possible and new life abundant and eternal in him? As we think about families today, maybe many of you perhaps grew up in a in a family that wasn't perfect, but it was a it was a strong family.

It was a blessed family to you. Would you take maybe just a moment and give thanks to God for the members of your family of origin. Maybe if that's not your story today, you just need to take a moment and just pray even for some healing out of some things that were part of your growing up experience.

As we think about praying for families, would you take a moment and there's some some guides in your worship material. Would you pray for Christ-centered homes? Would you pray for strong marriages?

Would you pray for parents and their leadership in the home? Would you pray for children, and would you pray even as you've seen demonstrated today the next generation's faith that it would be nurtured, it would grow, it would flourish? Would you take a moment now and pray for healing and restoration for families experiencing some type of crisis or loss?

Father, we do thank you. Thank you that we can be a part of your forever family because you've made it possible for us to be children of God through Jesus Christ. We thank you for the family that was your idea, your good design.

And Lord, we thank you that many of us were blessed to be able to grow up in a home that wasn't perfect, but it did model some of what you intended the family to be. And Father, we pray that this church family would be a place where families could flourish. We pray Father for families to to be all that you have intended and designed them to be.

Places where where life is enhanced, where lives are launched forth. Where the gospel is modeled and lived out every day. Father, we thank you for your word and we ask you now just to take your word that you you inspired and you have preserved all through these centuries and now Father, that same spirit we ask to illuminate the word, make it powerful and applicable to our lives.

Help us to adjust ourselves to you and to your good design. And Lord, we ask this now as we come to the study of your word. In Christ Jesus name we do pray.

Amen. Well, thank you and please do continue to pray for families. Ephesians chapter 5, if you have a copy of God's word with you.

We started a series last week on the blueprint, God's design for the family. And we we talked about the family was God's idea from the beginning. It was designed for his glory and for our good.

And we kind of want to lean into his design a little bit more over these next few weeks. And and today we're going to look at the pattern for a healthy family. But I thought before we looked at one of the parts of God's design, God's pattern for a healthy family.

I was just thinking about, you know, we live in a culture where we we talk about love and romance. And there there's rom-com movies, right? They're on the big screen, they're on TV screen, there's whole whole like networks devoted to to rom-coms, right?

And I don't know. I haven't seen like tons of them, but the ones I've seen, they they they do seem to follow a similar pattern. And so I thought, well, when you don't quite know, you always ask Google, right?

And so I thought, let me go to Google and see what it says is the the pattern for a rom-com. And sure enough, it quickly spit out seven elements to a rom-com. See if you've seen this movie.

The setup. The protagonist life. And why they need or want love.

Often highlighting their loneliness and their unfulfilled desire. And then there's this meeting, perhaps by chance, an exciting incident, where the love interest and the protagonist meet, creating an initial connection. And then they experience their first conflict, a clash, initial tension where personalities clash or obstacles arise, causing them to resist the relationship.

And then as the stakes begin to to rise a little higher with their interactions, they become more involved with each other despite the conflict. And there's an increasing and deepening bond. And then there's a second conflict, a trial that this test the relationship.

And it it stems from their deepened involvement. It makes the relationship feel fragile. Anybody seen this movie, right?

Seen this? One guy in the first service said, "Yeah, several times." All right. It continues to that black moment.

That disaster where everything goes wrong and the relationship seems truly lost. And then of course, there's the resolution. All the lovers overcome their conflict.

They affirm their love and ensure an optimistic, satisfying ending. In the language of the fairy tale, they have an HEA, right? Happily ever after, right?

And that's the way it works, right? That's the pattern. And then you come to marriage.

>> [laughter] >> Someone once asked, "What's the difference between love and marriage?" Said, "Love is blind. Marriage is a real eye-opener." >> [laughter] >> I kind of like that, all right? Is this true?

It's true. And marriage opens our eyes to some realities that our marriages, our families function in the middle of a broken world. A world that's not as God intended it to be.

And that every relationship of our lives, including our families, including our marriages, is touched every day by the brokenness of the world. And the second reality is that marriage reminds us that we're a sinner and we're married to a sinner. And we both bring something into a marriage that's destructive to what a marriage is intended by God to be.

And that thing, that reality is called sin. And here's another reality that I see very often. Whenever we experience problems in relationships, including our marriages, we tend to explain the problem or describe the problem in terms of the other person's behavior, right?

It's it's what they did or what they didn't do or what they did wrong or what they failed to do and on and on and on it goes. Well, as we look at this pattern, we're kind of going to do a part one and a part two next week. As we look at this pattern, I want to just start with a biblical principle.

It's a biblical principle that's found in Matthew 7. Some of you are very familiar with this passage. In this passage, Jesus talks about the speck in your brother's eye and then he kind of uses this hyperbole.

He says, "But you have a log or a beam in your own eye." And he says the tendency is to immediately focus on the speck in their eye while ignoring the beam in your own eye. Now, he doesn't say the speck doesn't need to be dealt with, but he says the place to begin is not with the speck over there, but it's with the log or the beam here. And so as we kind of unpack a little bit of this pattern today, I want to suggest to you that the place to start is not in describing their behavior, but to start with yourself.

And there's one very tangible way to do this. I want to give you a couple of questions today. Here's one.

What is it like being married to me? If you're married today, just to regularly ask yourself, what is it like being married to me? And some of you immediately said, "It's wonderful." Right?

>> [laughter] >> We're going to do a sermon on self-delusion in a few weeks, I think, right? If you're not married, this is applicable to a lot of relationships in our life though, right? What is it like to be on the other side of me?

What is it like to be my friend? What is it like to work with me? What is it like to work for me?

What is it like to live near me? So we begin to ask some form of that question. What is it like to be on the other side of me?

To think about it from the other perspective. What is it like being married to me? All right.

So that's kind of the foundation. Let's jump in to the pattern. And the pattern begins in Ephesians 5:21 with what we'll call the necessary foundation.

Look at these words. Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now, submitting is one of those words that it it triggers a lot of us, right?

So stick with me. Submit actually was a military term. It meant to arrange or to rank under.

It was like there there needs to be some sense of order. There needs to be some arrangement of the parts for this team, for this army, for this family to function at its best. It has absolutely nothing to do with inferiority or superiority.

It has to do with order and function among equals. And the scripture reminds us of that. Paul would write to the Galatians, "There's neither Jew nor Greek, neither slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." It's been said the ground is level at the foot of the cross.

Well, we we think about submitting, it it's not about inferiority or superiority. It's about how we respond to God's pattern, God's design, God's good instruction. And every, hear me, every obedient, spirit-filled Christian is a submitting Christian.

It's true of every follower of Jesus Christ. And we submit to one another, right? We submit to one another and the reason is out of reverence for Christ.

Now, please understand, this was a radical teaching in this day because women were primarily thought of as objects. And to think about them being treated with equality, to think about a life of mutual submission, that was radical for its day. And in some cases, it still is, right?

So as we we lean in and we're going to look like what does that look like from the wife's perspective? What does that look like? From the husband's perspective, notice the foundation here is every obedient, spirit-filled Christian is a submitting Christian, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, out of our respect for our relationship with Jesus Christ.

So then, let's lean into the pattern. As Paul unpacks it for us, what does that look like? What does that look like for the wife?

It begins with, in verse 22, a call to submission. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now, let's Paul's right there, okay?

Stick with me. Notice what he said, your own husbands, right? It's not doesn't mean every woman submits to every man in every situation.

Doesn't mean that a woman can't be the president, can't be the supervisor, can't own the company. It doesn't mean any of that, right? It just means in the context of the family, your own husband, there is a call to align.

There's a call to follow servant leadership. It is a voluntary response to God's will as to the Lord. Please note, the wife is not commanded to obey her husband as the children, we'll look at this next week, as the children are called to obey their parents.

But it recognizes that there is a need for leadership even in the context of mutual submission. Adrian Rogers used to say, "Without a head, it's dead. With two heads, it's a freak." And any group, any organization, including a family, has to have some head of head leadership, some rank, some order, some way that it functions together.

There was a call to submission, but there's also in that verse the motive for submission as to the Lord, as to the Lord. That the wife is is submitting to her husband doesn't mean in the exact same way or the same degree as she submits to the Lord. She serves the Lord by having a submissive heart toward her husband.

It is not because he is such perfect or he is such a great servant leader, but it is as to the Lord. It is out of my relationship to the Lord I serve. And the model for that continues in verse 23.

Verse 23, he writes, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." So, the the head this this model this model of of the church, the body of Christ and Christ as the head. But it says in everything.

In everything, our submission must always be informed by and in line with the character of Christ. We we're not called to submit to those things that Christ would not call us to walk in or to do, right? It is always our submission is first of all out of reverence for Christ in everything as Christ.

So, we are submitting first and foremost to Christ. We submit to one another as a reflection of our submitting to Christ and it must be informed and in line with the character of Christ. Well, you might say, "Well, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. That sounds wonderful, but you don't know my spouse." Uh they're they're they're not leading like they should. They're not living like they should.

In fact is, they're not even a believer. Well, actually Peter wrote about that. Peter said, "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some of them do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct." That as you submit out of reverence for Christ, it has an impact.

It has an impact even on someone that may not be a follower of Jesus Christ. One of my favorite authors, ladies, is Rebecca McLaughlin and she's written several books. Her book, Confronting Christianity, she writes about her struggles with this concept of submitting to her husband.

I want you to listen to some of her words. "I came from an academically driven, equality oriented, all-female high school. I was now studying in a majority male college and I was repulsed by this passage.

I had three problems with this passage. The first was that wives should submit. I knew that women were just as competent as men.

My second problem was with the idea that wives should submit to their husbands as to the Lord. It's one thing to submit to Jesus Christ, the self-sacrificing king of the universe. It is quite another to offer that kind of submission to a fallible, sinful man.

And my third problem was the idea that the husband was the head of the wife. This seemed to imply a hierarchy at odds with men and women's equal status as image bearers of God. At first, she says, "I tried to explain the shock away.

But when I trained my lens on the command to husbands, the Ephesians passage came into focus. When I realized the lens for this teaching was the lens of the gospel itself, it started making sense. If the message of Jesus is true, no one comes to the table with rights.

Hear me. The only way to enter is flat on your face, male or female. And if we grasp at our right to self-determination, we must reject Jesus because he calls us to submit to him completely.

Ephesians 5 used to repulse me. Now it convicts me and calls me toward Jesus, the true husband who satisfies my needs, the one man who truly deserves my submission. I've been married for a decade.

She says, "I'm not naturally submissive. I am naturally leadership oriented. I hold a PhD and a seminary degree and I'm a try I'm the trained debater of the family.

And thank God I married a man who celebrates this. Yet it is a daily challenge to remember my role in this drama and to notice opportunities to submit to my husband as to the Lord. Not because I am naturally more or less submissive or because he or more is more or less naturally loving, but because Jesus went to the cross for me." We submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That's what it looks like for the wife. But gentlemen, pay attention because this is what it looks like for the husband. It looks like first of all a sacrificial love.

Go down to verse 25. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Well, what's the model for husbands?

It's Jesus. Christ is the model. Christ who gave up the glories of heaven to enter into the brokenness and the messiness of our world.

Christ who who lived and died, was buried, resurrected, and rose again. Christ who suffered on the cross so that we might live. Christ who washed dirty feet even knowing that one of them would betray him.

Christ is the model. It looks like giving up our rights, our time, and our personal agenda. Hear me.

Men, if you're this leader, you're called to be a servant leader. And the definition of a servant leader is taking the initiative for the benefit of others. I know one time in in our premarital counseling, we try to talk about this passage and this pattern and and I'll try to talk about the husband-to-be and sometimes they're like, "I don't know if anybody's listening." They're just in love.

But you try anyway, right? And you're you're you're you're talking and sometimes, you know, at times you may have to make a tough call. Somebody's got to be like given that responsibility and husband, that's you.

But here's the thing. You got to make the call that's best for your family. Not necessarily best or easiest for you.

And that that is a high calling. That is sobering. It is a sacrificial love.

Listen, spiritual headship is not a license to do what you want, it but it is the empowerment to do what you ought to do. It is a sacrificial love. Christ is the model.

It is also a sanctifying love. A sanctifying love. Verse 26 as we just continue to read what it looks like for the husband.

That he might being Christ is the model again. That he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish.

What this looks like is husbands helping their wives to become all that God wants them to be. All that God desired and designed them to be. And and so here's guys you get a bonus question.

Everybody gets the first question to think about. What is it like being married to me? Or what is it like on the other side of me?

Here's the bonus question for the guys today. Is my wife more like Christ because of me? Now some of you're squirming out of this one cuz you're saying, "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." She's more like Christ.

She's she's suffered like Christ cuz of me, right? >> [laughter] >> Oh, she's learned the patience of Christ because of me, right? Oh, I've improved your prayer life cuz she's always having to pray for me, all right?

That's not what I'm talking about, right? Not what I'm talking about here. But are you living and leading in such a way that being on the other side of you helps her to become more like Christ?

And more like who he's called her to be. That's what leaders do. It's a sacrificial love.

It's a sanctifying love. But it's a caring love. It's a caring love.

Look at Look at verse 28 as it just continues in the same way. Husbands should love their wives. And then he he he describes it in terms of our body.

Should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body.

The same caring love that Christ gives to the body of Christ we are to exhibit to our spouses. He uses the word cherish. Cherish is that picture of of tender care.

That that I have an awareness of and a sensitivity to my wife's needs. It is knowing and meeting the unique needs of your wife. And so that's why that's why marriages can be very very God honoring but but they can look different in some of the practicalities.

Because they're different people making up that marriage, right? They they they come with different strengths, different abilities, different capacities, different needs. And it's not your marriage has to look exactly like somebody else's.

It's that as a spiritual leader in the home I have to know. I have to be aware of. I have to to adjust and meet the unique needs of my wife.

That to cherish with a tender care. It's a sacrificial love, a sanctifying love, a caring love but it's also a unifying love. A unifying love when husbands and wives come together this way.

Verse 31. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

That at its best a husband-wife relationship is to be a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. And as we are in Christ we are united in Christ. So we are to be united in this one flesh relationship.

And it goes back to Genesis 2 which we looked at last week. God's original creation design that the two shall become one flesh. When some of the religious leaders were trying to question Jesus and press him on the question of divorce, he took them back to God's original purpose.

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate. That God's design is that there be this supernatural unity that will not be divided.

Let Let's think about it in terms of God's we'll call it marriage math, all right? Marriage math. And a lot of times when when people think about marriage they think the equation looks like this.

1/2 + 1/2 = 1. Now that's accurate mathematically but it's not accurate biblically, all right? This is not God's marriage math here because we're not a half a person, right?

Even though the rom-coms would have that wonderful line, right? You complete me, right? >> [sighs and gasps] >> All right.

Like I was only half a person till you came along. No. We're not half people, right?

We're whole people, right? And by the way, when we operate on this math inevitably cuz we're looking at this math equation and we say, "Well, I bring 50% you bring 50%." And so what starts to happen over time, I'm convinced you're not pulling your weight. It's not 50 Hey, it's 60/40.

No, no, no, no, no. Our relationship is 70/30. 80/20.

I'm carrying 80% here, all right? No. That's not God's marriage math.

God's marriage math looks more like this. 1 * 1 = 1. 1 * 1 = 1.

This works mathematically but it also works biblically. God sees marriage as one whole man and one whole woman coming together in one whole marriage that that something unique, something distinct is born out of their unity. And we can even have a little fun with this too.

If you look at that equation, one our multiplication sign X, right? A little Greek there the the the Greek letter key is is X, right? First letter in Christos, Christ.

And just look at that equation. It's when Christ is in the center. When Christ is in the center.

1 * 1. 1 with Christ at the center of the marriage. When the husband and wife are more in love with him than they are with their spouse.

Then a wholeness will exist in that marriage. And that's the type of marriage that glorifies God. So this mutual submission out of reverence for Christ.

He describes what that looks like for the wife. He describes what that looks like for the husband. And then in verse 33 he gives us what could be termed a summary statement.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. Husbands, give your wife the love she most desires.

A sacrificing love, a sanctifying love, a caring, cherishing love, a unifying love. Wives, give your husband the respect he desperately needs as you as you follow as you you come alongside his servant leadership. And when those are working too well together, it becomes a a self-feeding cycle in some sense.

It becomes that which builds one another up. See, his love motivates her respect. And her respect motivates his love.

And it begins to just continue to increase. But both of those have to work together. Andy Stanley talks about a a wedding that he was a part of.

And this whole question came up. Here's some of his words. When I was 26 I flew to Washington, D.C.

to be a groomsman in a friend's wedding. After the reception, the wedding party of 12 or so headed to an upscale bar in Georgetown. Being part of the wedding party, I tagged along.

There was conversation throughout the night and then it eventually turned to to marriage and husband and wife relationship. And he said the turning point in the conversation came when a girl next to the girl who had started all this said and I quote Andy I heard a preacher say that the man had to be the head of the home because a two-headed home is like a two-headed monster. Is that what you believe?

That the man is the head? Paul's, right? Everybody's looking at you.

Not all necessarily from a Christian background. What are you going to say? He said, "Here's the gist of what I said.

It was directed at the the girls who were asking the question. He said, "Before I answer your question imagine. Imagine that you're married to a man who genuinely believes you are the most fantastic person on the planet.

He's crazy about you. You have no doubt that your happiness is a top priority and he listens when you talk. He honors you in public.

To use an old-fashioned term, he cherishes you. He's not afraid to make a decision but he values your opinions. He leads but he listens.

He's responsible. He's not argumentative and you have no doubt that he would give his life for you if the need arose. And you never have to worry about him being unfaithful.

In fact, to quote an old Flamingo song, he only has eyes for you. As I was saying all this the folks on the other end of the table tuned in and they began to listen. The longer I talked, the more I sensed their resistance ebbing.

And when I finished, I paused and asked would either of you have trouble following a man like that? The girl to my right blurted OUT WELL, BLANK, NO. I WANT TO MEET that guy.

Right? Everybody laughed. Without realizing it she had made my point.

You see, it's easy perhaps natural to submit to someone who genuinely has your best interest in mind. There's no fear. There's no reason to resist.

Conversely anyone who has your best interest in mind has an effect submitted to you. That person has chosen to leverage him or herself for your benefit basically saying you first. That's what it looks like to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

But I want to try to make this real tangible with one question. So, I gave you a question to begin with. Guys got a bonus question today.

The question to begin with was one internal, one for you to think about and reflect on. What is it like being married to me? What is it like on the other side of me?

This question I'm going to encourage you to ask out loud. If you're married, to ask a spouse. To ask a member of your family, to ask someone else that you're in a relationship with, someone you work with, a friend, whatever it would be appropriate.

And I think this one simple question could be powerful. It could change the dynamics of your relationship if this question was continually on the front of your mind and occasionally over your lips. Are you ready for the question?

Here it is. What can I do to serve you? Think about it.

What can I do to serve you? What can I do to help you? What would happen if husbands and wives started to ask this one simple question?

What would happen in your friendships, in your circles of influence, if you started to ask this question? Here's what might happen. For some of you, everything would change.

The gospel would begin to saturate your marriage and your home, and your workplace. And when the gospel saturates an area, it makes things new. It regenerates.

It recreates. And so, I I'm going to I'm going to challenge you today. I'm going to challenge you to for the next 7 days, particularly for those of you that are married here, for the next 7 days to ask your spouse once a day, how can I serve you?

How can I serve you? Now, some of you just felt something. And for some of you, what you felt was fear.

Fear of what they might actually say. Fear that your needs won't be taken care of. Fear that you'll be taken advantage of.

Fear that they won't change because I've got a I I I've got a I've got to fuss at them. I've got to make them feel the pain when they've caused me pain. I've got to pay them back.

If you feel fear welcome to walking with Jesus. Because so often Christ asks us to do things that our flesh rebels against. That seems almost counterintuitive to our survival instincts.

And yet it's the pathway of the gospel. See, the gospel secret is grace. Grace is the most powerful change agent on the planet.

That's how God changes us. Not through threats of the law, but through taking my sin. For some of you, it's a fear that if you live this way, you're never going to be happy.

But I want to suggest to you that the happiest, most joyful person on the planet was Jesus Christ. And he he spent his life washing feet and dying for sinners. There is joy in being like Jesus and walking with Jesus that you'll never experience if you want to be the king or the queen and the defender of your tiny, dark, cold, self-centered kingdom.

So, how do I do that? Well, go back to verse 21. It clearly points out that you can't do it on your own.

Verse 21, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I'm not going to consistently ask what's it like to be married to me. I'm not going to consistently ask my spouse or say to anybody else, what can I do to serve you?

Unless I'm living out of a reverence for Christ. To be so overwhelmed with the all and worship, the preciousness of God's gift to us in Christ Jesus that it begins to change our attitude toward other people. They may not be worthy but he always is.

But there's even more. Listen, cuz some of you are thinking, is this easy? Is this kind of marriage easy?

And the answer is no. Heck, no. Right?

No way. That's why we have to be filled with the spirit. Let me give you one other a little bit of a of a Greek lesson here.

For some of you, when we looked at verse 21, some of your English translations, I think rightly translated it as a partial sentence. It's it's continuing. Some I think the NIV actually makes it a separate sentence, which actually is a bad translation because beginning in verse 18, all of this is one sentence in the Greek.

Listen to it. One sentence. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The power to submit your life to your spouse is a supernatural power. It comes as you are filled with the spirit of God. When you are fully submitted to him, you're following his leadership and you're walking in his empowerment and you begin to live differently.

He describes some of it there in terms of psalms and hymns and spiritual songs and thanksgiving and then submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. The power to submit your life to your spouse is the power of being filled with God's spirit. And it comes as we meditate continually on the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So, let me say it again what we said last week. A family will never be what God has called it to be apart from the individual members being what God has called them to be. So, here's here's the takeaway.

I'm going to make this very, very practical. I'm going to ask you to make a deal. All right?

This week this week, next 7 days would you, at least once a day ask two questions. One to yourself and then if you're married, to your spouse out loud or to someone else in another relationship. Every day, at least once a day for the next 7 days, what is it like to be married to me?

What is it like to be on the other side of me? And just ask God to help you think about that. And then, out loud, ask your spouse some other relationship how can I serve you?

How can I serve you? Two questions once a day for the next 7 days. Deal?

Deal? Okay, that's about 15% of you. Deal?

Here's the thing. If you and I do it, it's going to be fun. It going to be fun.

There going to be some stories to tell next week when you come back, right? With that is the challenge. Let's bow our heads and pray.

And as you're doing that, I just want to kind of again connect this to the gospel. Cuz you heard today that God's design for marriage, what it looks like. It's a relationship marked by love, by sacrifice, by service, by grace.

But if we're honest, we've also seen that this kind of marriage doesn't come naturally to any of us. Why? Because at the core of every broken relationship is a broken heart.

We're sinners married to sinners. And the deeper truth is this, before we ever sin against a spouse, we've sinned against a holy God. And the issue underneath the issue in the room today is that we can't live out a gospel-centered marriage until we've experienced a gospel-centered transformation.

And you can't give the kind of love Christ calls for until you've received the love that Christ offers. This whole passage points us to something bigger than marriage. It points us to Jesus.

And the Bible says that marriage is a picture, a picture of Christ and his church. And what did Christ do for his bride? He didn't demand, he didn't take, he gave.

He sacrificed. He went to the cross not because we were lovely, but to make us lovely. He took our sin, he paid our debt, he died in our place, he rose again so that we could be made new.

And that's the gospel. And here's the truth today. [music] Some of you are trying to fix your marriage, you're trying to fix your relationship, you're trying to be better, but you've never surrendered your life to Jesus Christ.

And apart from him, this isn't just difficult, it's impossible. Because the kind of love we're talking about today is a supernatural love. And it only comes from a transformed heart.

So, the question is, do you know him? Not do you know about him, not have you been around church, but has there been a moment in your life where you turned from your sin? And you trusted in Jesus Christ as your savior and your Lord.

Because until that happens, nothing else will truly change. But if that happens, everything can change. Your heart, your home, your future, your friendships, your eternity.

Husbands, you can't lead like Christ without Christ. Wives, you can't respond like the church without knowing Christ. Families, you can't build God's design with a God without God himself at the center.

So, in just a moment we're going to stand and we're going to sing. And I'm just going to invite some of you even while we're standing and singing today, you just you you need to talk to somebody. And so, even don't don't wait till we're all done.

I want you to get a head start. I'm just going to invite you just to peel out. If you need to scoot over across a couple folks, scoot across them.

But you just make your way to one of our next steps areas, one of in either one of our lobbies, some of our pastors are there. And they're just there to serve you today and they'll they'll open up the Bible and show you how you can begin a real relationship with Jesus Christ today. Whatever your next step is, reach out to them.

And you can move even as we're singing. Father, thank you. Thank you that you're transforming hearts and lives.

Thank you for the family. Thank you that it can be more and more what you designed it to be as we walk closer and closer with you. Be glorified in our lives and in our families.

Lord, help us to serve you even as we serve one another. And we pray this in Christ Jesus' name. Amen.

Stand with us if you would. As you're standing, I just draw your attention. There's always questions we give you because we want you to make this personal.

And also, [music] if we can help you take that next step, we are here for you. So, please check that out. Go to the next steps area.

Reach out to us through the tap card [music] or online. But right now, we're going to worship our God together. Some of you just need to go ahead and make your way to the next steps area as we sing.

Let's worship. When this heart [music] in my chest feels cold, when these fears and afraid [singing] feel old, when I'm far, you hold me close. We thank [music] you, Lord.

All these things [singing] I don't understand, all the questions [music] inside my head, I'll bring it all to you once again. [singing] Let this be our prayer. Cuz I believe, God, help [music and singing] my unbelief, God.

I'm down on my knees, God. Free my soul [music] and break this heart [singing] of stone. Oh, I believe, God, [music] help my unbelief, God.

When my eyes can't see, God, >> [music] >> light my way, give me the faith to [singing] say I believe. >> [music] >> Anything is possible. A little faith is unstoppable.

[singing] Even the mountains are [music] movable. Cuz we believe, church. And I believe, [singing] God, help my unbelief, God.

I'm down [singing and music] on my knees, God. Free my soul and break this heart of stone. Oh, I believe, [singing and music] God, help my unbelief, God.

When my eyes [music] can't see, God, light my [singing] way, give me the faith to say I believe. We're going to sing it [music and singing] as well. It is well, it is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well, [music and singing] it is well, it is well with my soul. Lord, help [singing] me know it is well, it [music] is well, it is well with my soul. It is well, it is well, it is [singing and music] well with my soul.

Cuz I believe, God, [music and singing] help my unbelief, God. I'm down on my knees, God. Free my soul and break this heart of stone.

[music and singing] Oh, I believe, God, help my unbelief, [music] God. When my [singing] eyes can't see, God, light my way, [music] give me the faith to say I believe. [singing] >> [music] >> Oh, I believe.

[singing] We believe, Lord. Oh, I believe. [singing and music] May the Lord bless you and keep you.

We'll see you next Sunday. Have a great week, church. >> [music]