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[music] >> Oh. >> [music] >> Oh. Oh.

>> [music] >> Woo! >> [music] >> Oh. Oh.

Oh. >> [music] >> Oh. >> [music] >> Mhm.

>> [music] >> Good morning, everyone. I'm Renee, and welcome to First Baptist Church, Fort Mill. We are so excited [music] you and your family are here.

>> [snorts] >> Whether you are joining us online or in person, there are so many ways to stay connected here at the church. [music] Calling all ladies in the church, please join us today at 12:15 at Brixwood Fired Pizza in Fort Mill [music] for lunch. We hope you will join us for this time of fellowship and bring a friend.

And our next men's ministry event will be on May 28th. The guest speaker, former USC quarterback Connor Shaw, has a special message. Men of Fort Mill, this is Connor Shaw and I'm so thankful I get to come hang out with you guys on May 28th and share my story, my testimony, and praise Jesus through it all.

I look forward to it. God bless. See you soon.

Just scan the QR code to register and to learn more information about the events. And if you are interested in learning more about sharing your faith around the world, join us for a mission trip interest meeting on Sunday, May [music] 3rd after the 10:30 service. And ladies, please mark your calendars for Thursday, May 14th [music] as we welcome Kylie, one of our own here at FBC Fort Mill, to share her heart and experiences in living cross-culturally for the gospel.

The evening will include a time of worship and dessert and is open for women and teen girls. Please register by Monday, May 11th and child care will be provided. Thanks again for being here with us today.

[music] We would love to stay connected with you throughout the week and there are some simple ways that you can do that. You can simply follow the instructions [music] on the tap card located in front of you or fill out a connect card. And thank you so much for your faithful giving.

Because of it, we can share the hope of Christ here in our community and around the world. Thanks again for being here. Have [music] a great weekend.

Good morning, First Baptist Church. How are you? Now, ladies, wait a second.

I've been out with back surgery and I'm excited to be here. You're not? Okay, good.

A couple of you. Hey, so glad to see you. Someone says, "What do you miss the most?" I told the first service, and this is true.

I really miss the people, man. I miss the smiles. I miss the hugs.

I miss God's people. There's nothing like having the people here worshipping together. And so, maybe you're new here today and you're like, "Wow, who's that guy, bald-headed guy?" I'm Bobby.

I'm the Missions Pastor. And it's true. I really miss the people.

You're joining a church that feels like family. And if you don't feel like family, come see me after service. I'll give you a hug.

Small hug up top, not below, all right? And but yes, it is so good to have you worship here in God's house with God's family today. Just a lot of exciting things in the life of our church.

There's so many things you could do to get connected. Make sure that you that that the tap behind the seat there, also our worship guides, our internet or our our app, our our website. There's so many ways.

But please make special attention to find out what's going on in the life of the church. There's just so much. And again, we understand that not every single thing here everybody's going to be participating in.

But maybe God just has something that really just speaks to your soul and heart. We want you to get connected. We don't just want you to be a church attendee.

We want you to be involved with what God's doing here because then it really does feel like family. And so, one thing I just want to just ask you to pray for if that's okay. I really appreciated all your prayers, and I know your prayers work.

But next month is Foster Awareness Month. And we're going to have an opportunity with one of our partners. And it's not it's called Defend the Fatherless.

And there's so many kids in our community, believe it or not, right here in Fort Mill that are in the foster care community. And so, we are going to just love on these kids and also the uh the parents that are bringing these kids and we're going to provide a lovely steak dinner for them, entertainment, and it's just going to be a way that our church is going to love our community. So, could you just be in prayer for foster awareness month that God will give us a platform continually to love those families that the Bible says in James that that's pure and undefiled religion.

And so, just a way to pray. So, would you just pray that way? And I'm just grateful that you're here.

So glad that God has uh brought you here and I'm just asking the Lord this morning to speak personally to every one of your hearts. So, let's bow for prayer as we start our service. Father, we love you.

We thank you that you are the great physician. God, there's so many people in this service today that Lord that needs a touch. That God just needs encouragement.

That needs somebody to speak life into them. And so, Lord, I pray that you, Lord, through your word, through the song, through the praise choir, through a handshake or a hug, that God, that people will feel seen today. And Lord, just use this time to speak life into everyone.

We love you. We believe that you're going to speak. And Lord, speak through Pastor Jeff.

That God, the words of that would just come off the page and make it real in the life of our families today. So, Lord, again, we just want to say thank you. Thank you for being our Father.

And we ask all this in the wonderful name of Jesus Christ. Amen and amen. Well, amen.

Well, whether you're watching and worshiping with us across campus or online, I want to encourage you today from Psalm 107 to think about what God has done in our lives and what he'll continue to do. His word says this, "Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. For his steadfast love endures forever.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, who he has redeemed from trouble. They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man.

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Amen. Church, God has done more than we deserve for us in each of our lives.

He's done so much. He loves you so much that he actually took your punishment you deserve. Jesus bore that on the cross for you, and then he didn't stay dead, but he he is alive and he's ruling and reigning right now interceding for you.

And so, man, we should be so thankful. Our lives should be like billboards to glorify the Lord. People should look at us and just see, "Look at what God's done." And our lives should reflect that.

So, as we gather on Sundays, like like God's word says, we're to encourage one another by thanking him and by singing out of what he's done. So, I want to invite you to stand this morning and sing about what God has done in our lives through Christ. Let's stand and sing.

See on the hill of Calvary, my savior bled for [music and singing] me. My Jesus set me free. >> [music] >> Look at the wounds that [singing] give me life.

Grace [music] flowing from his side. [singing] No greater sacrifice. What he's done.

>> [music] >> what he's [singing] done. All the glory >> [music] >> and the honor >> [singing] >> to the son. My sins [music and singing] are forgiven.

My future is heaven. I praise God for what he's done. [music] Sing for the freedom church.

Sing for the freedom he has won. Even life [music] is dead and done. His life [singing] has overcome.

Speak, say the name [music] above [singing] all names, over every broken place. He is [music] risen from the grave. That's right.

What he's done, >> [music] >> what he's done. All the glory [music] and the honor [singing] to the son. My sins are forgiven.

My future is heaven. I praise God >> [music] >> for what he's done. Now on a throne [singing] of majesty, the Father's will complete.

[music] He reigns in victory. [singing] Sing hallelujah to the king. [singing] He is worthy [music] to receive all the worship we can bring.

Sing >> [music] >> hallelujah to the >> [music] [music and singing] [music] [singing] [singing and music] [music] >> Our only hope is Christ [music] Jesus. Our savior risen and reigning this morning church. >> [music] >> Worthy of all the praise.

So, I want to encourage you to sing out today and thank him. >> [music] >> In Christ [singing] alone my hope is found. [music] He is my light, my strength, [singing] my song.

This cornerstone, >> [music] >> this solid [singing] ground, firm through the fiercest [music] drought and storm. [singing] What heights of love, what [singing and music] depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when [singing] strivings [music] cease. My comforter, >> [singing] >> my all [music] in all, here in the love of Christ [singing] I stand.

>> [music] >> The only name that saves. In Christ alone who took on flesh. Let's sing this out.

In Christ [music and singing] alone, who took on flesh, fullness of God in >> [singing] >> helpless >> [music] >> pain. This gift of love and righteousness, >> [music] >> scorned by the ones he came >> [music] >> to save. >> [singing] >> Till on that cross [music] as Jesus died, the wrath >> [singing] >> of God was satisfied.

For every sin on him was laid. Here [music] in the death of Christ I >> [singing] >> live. Thank you, Lord.

There in the ground, every voice. There [music and singing] in the ground his body lay, >> [music] >> light of the light's [singing] darkness slain. slain.

Then bursting [singing and music] forth in glorious day, up >> [music] >> from the grave He rose again. And as He >> [singing] >> stands in victory, >> [music] >> that's right, since curse has lost its grip on me. For >> [singing] >> I am His >> [music] >> and He is mine, >> [music] >> bought with the precious blood of >> [singing] >> Christ.

>> [music] >> No guilt in life, let's sing this out. No [music] guilt in life, no fear in [singing] death. This [music] is the power of Christ [singing] in me.

From life's first cry to final breath, >> [music] >> Jesus commands my destiny. You believe? [singing] No power of >> [music] >> hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck >> [singing] >> me from His hand.

>> [music] >> Till He returns or calls me [music] home. Here in the power of Christ >> [music and singing] >> I stand. No power, no power of hell, Hell, [singing] no scheme of man that's right.

Can ever pluck [singing] me from [music] his hand till he returns or calls [music and singing] me home. Here in the power of Christ I'll stand. [music] Lord, we thank you this morning.

Lord, that you paid the ultimate [music] price. You went to the cross for us. Lord, help we never get over that.

Forgive us for when we forget, Lord, and we focus on other things. We look to other things in our life to [music] satisfy us more than you, God. Lord, give us a desire each day to spend time in your word.

Lord, a love for [music] you and a hatred for our sin. Help us live as people on mission who are changed, [music] Lord, who love you. And all God's people said, Amen.

Well, church, if you've been with us recently, God is doing awesome things in the life of this church. You got to see from the announcement video how much is going on, but also we get to celebrate with those who are in new life because of what Christ has done in their lives. So, let's celebrate with our new family this morning as we turn to the baptism.

Hey, good morning, everybody. Um my name is Vincent Ing, and today is a very special day in the life of our family as I get the privilege of baptizing our eldest son, Beckett. Um his mother and I are very proud of him as he's decided that he wants to follow Jesus Christ and have a relationship with him.

Um and we also like to, you know, thank this church and the children's ministry for investing in our kids um and providing a environment that fosters their interest in faith and ultimately leads to decisions like this where they want to follow Jesus. So, with With being said, I'll invite Beckett in. Beckett, do you, by getting baptized today, declare that you intend to follow Jesus and that you want to have a relationship with him and follow him for the rest of your life?

Yes. All right, based on that profession, Beckett, it is now my privilege to baptize you, [clears throat] my brother in Christ, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Buried with Christ in baptism, raised to walk in newness of life.

>> [applause] >> Good morning. Come on down. My name is Todd Hirschberger.

I'm student pastor here, and we are have the honor and privilege today of baptizing one of our students. Just come over here and face this other way. This is Cheyenne.

There's everybody. Let them see your face. This is Cheyenne Reese, and Cheyenne is a seventh grader.

And this is one of my favorite stories because Cheyenne had never been in this church ever in her life, and her seventh grade friend, Taylor Chlorine Whetstone. Sorry, nickname that I was just given. You don't give a youth pastor nicknames that you don't want to be called, right?

Because then the whole world knows about it. Uh but what Taylor Whetstone, she invited Cheyenne to our last Reach Night, and uh that night I presented the gospel, and I I saw Cheyenne respond to the gospel that night, and man, here we are, a month later, and she is getting baptized. So, Cheyenne, has there ever been a time in your life when you have asked Jesus Christ to be the Lord and savior of your life?

That's all right. I'm just like you. We'll We'll get it figured out here in a minute.

I don't want to hit your head, though, okay? Uh so, let's back up. Cheyenne, has there ever been a time you've asked Jesus Christ to be the Lord and savior of your life?

Yes. And Cheyenne, it's because of that decision uh that I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Buried in likeness of Christ's death and raised to walk >> [applause] >> in newness of life.

Yes. [cheering] >> [applause] >> Be in prayer for tonight as we have another reach night. And I promise the students every time the reason we do reach night is if you bring a friend, they're going to hear the gospel.

So, we're going to do slushies and nachos and cotton candy and popcorn. And we're going to throw a bunch of yellow balls around this Tim. I hope your ears are closed so you don't worry about all your equipment.

But we're going to have a great time tonight. But at the end of the day, we're going to share the gospel. And so, be praying tonight uh between probably 6:00 and 6:30 as we give the gospel that students will respond and that they'll they'll hear the gospel for the first time and that they'll respond to it.

Father, we love you. We thank you. Uh God, we thank you for sending your son, Jesus Christ, uh to die on a cross on our behalf.

And Father, thank you for those today that are have come through the baptismal waters, Lord, that are just letting the world know the decision that they've made. And so, Father, I pray now for those that are sitting in the congregation now that maybe don't know you, Lord, that today will be day of salvation. I also pray for those that are they have given their life to you, but they've never made it public through baptism.

Lord, I pray that today will um cause there to be a reaction of many, Lord, that say, "Hey, I need to do that. I need to let people know the decision I've made in my life." So, Father, we love you. And we just give you this service, Lord.

In your name we pray. Amen. Amen.

Amen. Well, as Todd said, pray for tonight for the reach night. But also uh if if baptism is something you've been considering or maybe something that you have some questions about or you just know that's your next step of obedience and you just haven't taken it yet.

Boy, before you leave today, reach out to somebody. Go to go to the next steps area in either one of our lobbies, use the tap card in front of you, go to our website. There's a lot of different ways, but we want to just come alongside you as you take those steps of obedience.

If you have a copy of God's word, go ahead and find Ephesians 6. We'll be turning there in just a little while, but we do carve out time in the space of our worship together to pray together. We really want this to be very intentional and we try to offer up kind of a focus or a theme as we come together.

We're in the midst of deacon nominations, and nominating those to serve as deacons in the life of our church, and so we want to pray specifically for our deacons today, but also we just recognize there's lots going on a lot of lives. Many of you, you've got just a plateful and a half. A lot going on in our world with with wars and all sorts of things where wisdom is needed and then even last night I just saw briefly this morning a attempted shooting I guess or actually a shooting did take place that the White House Correspondents Dinner there and so we're just reminded of the the the reality of a of a broken world in which we live and the desperate need for as we talk about revival in the church, spiritual awakening in our land, and the gospel to the nations.

And so I just want to invite you to to join me in prayer, and I'm just going to prompt you through some some prayer focuses today. Maybe I don't know what kind of week you've had, what kind of morning you've had. I've kind of been bouncing in conversations and a lot, so maybe let's just take a moment and just be still.

And just remind ourselves that we are in the presence of God. Let's take a moment and be still in his presence. Would you pray for these who have just been baptized?

Would you pray that God would have his hand upon them, that they would grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, that they would flourish as followers of Jesus Christ. And as Todd already asked us, would you just pray specifically for the reach night tonight in our our student ministry? Would you pray for the proclamation of the gospel?

Would you pray for invitations? Would you pray for God to move mightily in the midst of our students. Would you pray for our deacons?

Would you just pray with gratitude for those that are serving and serve in so many ways. With our home-bound, with our groups, with our small repairs teams. Would you take a moment now and just just pray for our nation, for our world?

Would you pray for leaders? >> Father, we just thank you. As the old song says, you have the whole world in your hand.

And yet, Father, you you are aware of you are involved in every one of our lives and the details of our lives. You care. Your wisdom, your power is is available.

And the Lord that you you want to walk with us. You invite us to walk with you. And so, Father, we pray.

We pray in in the lives of our families. We pray in the life of this church family. We pray, Father, in the in our community, our culture, our world.

Father, we pray, Lord, that thy kingdom would come, thy will would be done. Lord, we pray, Lord, that that you might move among us in a fresh way. We pray, Father, that even this morning, Lord, as we turn our attention to your word, that you would quicken it to our hearts and our minds, that you would bring it to a point of personal application, and then you would empower us to step by faith into obedience to what it is that you're showing us.

Lord, thank you for the gift of this time and your presence among us. And we pray this now in Christ Jesus' name. Amen.

Well, we are in the midst of a series of messages on the family. We're talking about a blueprint, God's design for the family. We kind of introduced it a couple weeks ago and talked about that the family was God's idea from the very beginning.

It was always God's idea, and it was for his glory, but for our good. And then, like every other area of our life, families flourish, our culture flourishes, we flourish when we align ourselves with God's good design. And so, we wanted to kind of go back and say, what was God's good design for the family and how can we align ourselves with it?

Last week we were in Ephesians and we talked about kind of this part one of this pattern of a healthy family and we talked about particularly a husband-wife relationship, although what we talked about last week, what we're going to talk about today, these principles are applicable to lots of different relationships in our lives. But last week specifically, I I challenged you around a couple of questions. The one was kind of an internal question for you and that was, what is it like to be married to me?

To ask yourself on a regular basis, what is it like to be married to me? What is it like to be on the other side of me? And maybe in a different relational context and just to begin to think in those terms and then I challenged you to ask in a in a in the context of a relationship, your married relationship, another married relationship, just to ask 7 days a week, once at least once a week, what is it like what is it like to be married to me?

Ask yourself, but then what can I do to serve you? What can I do to serve you? And and I said we were going to have some fun with that.

And you all did. You all did. I I've gotten texts and emails this week.

I've had conversations already this morning about about you we asked this question and this this happened and this was pretty cool and this wasn't bad wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be or whatever it might be. So here's the here's the the fun part of that is you don't have to just do it for 7 days, right? Uh that we that we can continue to to ask that question, to think consciously, what's it like to be on the other side of me?

And and listen, send those stories. I love to hear some of those stories, even some humorous ones along the way, but some even powerful moments. And so thank you all for engaging in that experiment there.

Well, we're going to continue to press into what Paul says about the pattern for a healthy family. And we're going to look at the first four verses of Ephesians chapter 6 and particularly focused on the parent-child relationship, but again, principles that extend to so many relationships in our life. I think it is fair to say, and I know in some sense every generation says this, but I think it's fair to say that the challenges of parenting have never been greater than they are today in America.

And just as a part of that, just let me offer one exhibit, if I can. Jonathan Haidt in his book The Anxious Generation, it sold, I think, a couple million copies now at this at this point, but he talks a lot about what's going on, particularly in what he called Gen Z, and he confirms his words our worst fears of what's happening to the first generation that has gone through puberty with constant access to the internet. He writes, "It was not merely that playing and socializing had shifted to phones, tablets, and gaming consoles, but that real-life pleasures and risk were also disappearing.

Rough-and-tumble outdoor activities, opportunities for physical independence, unsupervised recreation, free play had been in retreat and technology on the march since the 1980s, but it took the invention of the smartphone to complete the mutation of childhood from, listen to his language, from play-based to phone-based." He writes, "Giving smartphones to young people in mass constitutes the largest uncontrolled experiment humanity has ever performed on its own children." With all this happening, parents who were oftentimes hypnotized by their own phones were hearing about and sometimes seeing at home children succumbing to real distress, depression, anxiety, self-harm, even suicide. Starting in about 2010, suicide rates among young adolescents in the US shot up and increasing, listen to these words, increasing 91% for boys ages 10 to 14 and 167% for girls. The rate of self-injury almost tripled between 2010 and 2020.

Ironically, the creation of social media with the promise of connectedness has left young people lonelier and with fewer friends. For girls, the app's approved almost toxic. Mr.

Haidt writes, "Social media use does not just correlate with mental illness, it seems to be a cause of it. The phone-based life produces spiritual degradation in all of us." Columnist Peggy Noonan writing in the Wall Street Journal based some of her article on Haidt's research. She mentions parents are often physically overprotective of their children out of fear of sexual predators, but those predators have moved online where it's easy to find and contact children.

Then she quotes a section in the book where he included an essay from a 14-year-old girl. Listen to her words. I was 10 years old when I watched porn for the first time.

I found myself on Pornhub, which I stumbled across by accident and returned to out of curiosity. The website had no age verification, no ID requirement, not even a prompt asking me if I was over 18. The site is easy to find, impossible to avoid, and has become a frequent right of passage for kids my age.

Where was my mother? She was in the next room making sure I was eating nine differently colored fruits and veggies on the daily. Now, I don't say all that to make any of us feel feel guilty.

I kind of laughed I heard a a quick this week uh uh fellow said I I am so grateful that I raised my kids before everybody had a screen. That way I can go to a restaurant and pass judgment on all the families who are all watching, right? Like I wouldn't have done it when I was there if I had access to that, right?

Sure. Right. And listen, it technology like anything else is a double-edged sword.

There's lots of good. But, we're starting to see evidence of lots of potential harm. And I think parenting has always been a challenge, but I think in today's world it is increasingly becoming a challenge.

And I will just go ahead and again put in a plug commercial resource if you will on our on our website under the resources tab or you can access it even through the tap card there. We have access to training tools for you for uh families in all different seasons. And one of them specifically is about kind of being media savvy.

And so you go it's HomeWord is is what it's called. It's free to you. Please go check that out.

Maybe that would serve you and your family as you wrestle with some of these things. So, with that in mind, let's think about even in a world of all the technology, all the challenges that we have, what is God's pattern? What is God's pattern for the family?

And it starts Ephesians 6 with a challenge to the children. A challenge to the children. Let me just read the first three verses and encourage you to follow along.

Children, so we know who it's addressed to. Obey your parents in the Lord. For this is right.

Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise. That it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

Now, let's pause there as we we think about the children's component of this pattern. Two kind of major words. The first is obey.

Children, you are called to obey. Obey your parents in the Lord. It's a command.

It is a continuous action. It is to be the habitual pattern of a child living in their home. To listen under is kind of the the exact wording of it.

To listen under is the meaning of obey. To to listen, to pay attention to, to respond to the authority that parents have. Ideally, obviously, parents living under the authority of the Lord.

And then he he argues for why this is the thing to do. And he he says, "First of all, it's right. It is right to obey your parents in the Lord.

For this is right." And he also appeals to natural law. That the family functions best. It's right for those who are still growing and still developing mentally, physically, socially, spiritually, emotionally, all those things to to live under the guidance, the support, the authority of of someone more mature, or further along in the journey.

It's just it's right naturally, but it's also pleasing to the Lord, the divine law. This is part of God's good design. It pleases God when children obey their parents even as their parents are obeying the Lord, but he also offers it because it really is best for you.

It is best for you as a child and I know somebody can say, "Well, what about this example or that example of Yes, there there are horrific stories and sometimes some terrible situations that what a parent does or what a parent is doing to a child or asking a child to do, but by and large by and large it functions best I function best growing up you function best growing up when you lived under the authority of a parent. Why? Because they were always right?

No. Cuz they were always perfect? Uh-uh.

But because God designed you to grow, to develop, to eventually flourish living under the authority of parents who again, we hope are living under the authority of God. In many ways parents are kind of like sandpaper. They they are used by God sometimes to smooth the rough edges to prepare us for life in the world.

Children are called to obey and they're also called to honor. To honor. Now, we've talked about honoring before so we won't spend as much time with this, but this command while the obedience command is is kind of while you're living under the roof under the authority of the parents, the honoring command is something we're commanded to do all of our life even after maybe we've gone out established our independence maybe established our own family along the way.

To honor is to fix the value. To fix a value upon them. And it goes back to the 10 Commandments, which he kind of quotes here.

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. There is There is something that causes a family and a culture to flourish when children obey their parents and when parents are honored continually by their children. This honor is really an inner attitude that leads to the outward actions of respect and obedience.

Then that's it's something that we're called to do. And And we've talked about it before. Again, can't lean heavily into it for the sake of time.

Uh there's some messages out there where we've talked about this in a little more depth, but but some of you Maybe you say, "Well, you don't know the home I grew up in." My parents were not They were not what they were supposed to be or they were not there or whatever it might be or they were abusive or And we do not honor the behavior, for sure. Don't always honor the person. But there is a calling to honor, to fix a value on that position.

Doesn't mean that we don't draw appropriate boundaries at times. Doesn't mean that we continually live in an abusive situation. But it means that there is to be a value affixed to what God designed that position to be for their impact and influence in our lives, even into adulthood.

And when children align themselves this way, individually, our response at home will begin to teach us and mirror for us our response in life. How we respond to authority in the home, listen, we're almost always going to have some authorities in our life, right? Uh whether it's at school or workplace or government or certainly we have the authority of God.

Always we're responding to some authority along the way. We learn how to respond to that authority, how to obey appropriately really how to honor appropriately beginning in the home. But collectively it a society flourishes because a family, when it functions well, gives stability to society.

We have many many educators in the life of of our church. And one of my favorite questions to ask people in different industries, but particularly in education, is and I try to ask it without kind of poisoning the well or leading one way or the other, but I often ask particularly those who have been in, you know, 10, 20, 30 years, what's changed? What what changes have you noticed in those years?

And obviously there's lots of changes, educational philosophies, technology, etc. etc. etc.

But it it's amazing time and time and time again those educators will say to me what's changed the most is the family. And that change in the family impacts what happens in the school. It impacts what happens in so many other areas of life.

When we obey and when we honor as children it positions us individually, it positions us collectively to flourish as God designed. But that works best when parents are answering the call. When they're answering the challenge.

It's one verse, but there's I think a lot here. Verse 4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." There's a do not and there is a do. It says do not, the NIV says exasperate your children.

I like that word, right? Don't exasperate your children. The NEB translation says don't goad them to resentment.

That's kind of a good picture, goading to resentment. Well, you say, "Well, I I don't do that for sure." I mean, how on the world would somebody exasperate our children? Well, I'm glad you asked.

Let me Let me offer just just a few here, all right? And there's eyes cutting back and forth even now, all right? How about destructive criticism?

How about destructive criticism? And please hear me, I'm not Yes, we we need feedback. We need caring candor.

We we need to to to hear There are times we our behavior needs to be criticized, but whether it's the the home environment or another environment, let's be sure and attack the problem and not the person. Right? And we're like Let me make sure my language is right so somebody doesn't email me.

Um We We're not good at this as a culture right now, are we? I mean, we Everything from our politics to sports to everything It It's It becomes so personal. Right?

It becomes so personal and and it's like we can't attack problems without attacking people, right? And we we have to be able to say, yes, there are behaviors that we need to address. Yes, there are some things that you need feedback on.

You need correction. You need we need criticism, all right? But let's attack the problem and make sure that it's not you're stupid, right?

But hey, this was not a wise choice, right? Those are really two hugely different things. And along with that, what's the complement to criticism ratio?

What's the complement to criticism ratio in your home and other relationships in your life? My guess is that many of you are just like me. That on a Sunday or getting emails or texts of the week, you know, that there can be like like 10 right, yeah, thank you for that, man.

That was on point. Thank you. That straight that challenge.

And then there'll be one negative one. And you know which one I'm going to think about when I put my head on the pillow at night, right? [laughter] It's that negative one comes comes right to the surface, right?

And if that happens outside, things that come from outside our home, how much more inside our home? Again, it's not about not addressing things that need to be addressed. It's just what's the ratio?

Sometimes we can get it always, you know, there's there are people and you probably have some of them in your life. Maybe you work with them. I don't know.

Hang out with them, right? They find problems like they're getting paid for it, right? I mean, [laughter] man, they're just they're always pointing out, oh, well, this is wrong.

This is wrong. That that that could have been Dude, there's a place for that, but is there anything good in your life? Is there anything good in this situation?

What's the complement to the criticism ratio? And then what's the tone? You know, sometimes our words are technically okay, but the tone was sarcastic, the tone was demeaning, the tone had a edge to it.

What's the the tone? We can exasperate through what we'll call hyper-strictness, hyper-strictness, and we'll we'll come back to this toward the end of our time, but but just for now think about uh trying to hold a wet bar of soap. And I know in the day of body wash, maybe folks don't hold wet bars of soap as often as as we used to, but but there's an art to holding a wet bar of soap, right?

If if you if you don't hold it tight enough, it it slips through your hands. But if you try to squeeze it too hard, it kind of shoots out the other way, right? There there's kind of a a proper tension, if you will, and there's there's that which needed.

Yes, this isn't saying there doesn't need to be a strictness, it's just be careful that it's not so confining. And particularly, you know, as a child grows through ages and stages, what they needed here, you may have to loosen that up as they grow and as they develop along the way. Hyper-strictness can sometimes exasperate.

How about irritability? How about irritability, right? Here's a question for you.

Are we as nice to the people inside our home as we are to those outside? Anybody else want to say "Ouch" right now, huh? Yeah, thank you.

>> [laughter] >> I'm glad it wasn't just me. Yeah. Yeah.

It's amazing, isn't it? Sometimes we the people we love and the we cherish the most, sometimes we we're the most irritable with them. And I mean, you don't like to be around irritable people, right?

And I know I know we all say things "Well, you don't understand. I've I a hard day. You don't understand.

They get on my last nerve." Well, here's a clue. You get on their last nerve sometimes, too, right? Yeah.

But, we have a lot more control over this than I think. And one of my favorite examples of this, I've shared this with some of you before, but cuz I've done it and you've probably done it, too. You're in a conversation with somebody, maybe in your home, maybe in another setting, and it you're irritable, the factor's pretty high there, maybe the volume's even high, the tone's getting tough, right?

And the phone rings, RIGHT? YOU'RE GOING, "HEY, HOW ARE YOU? WHAT'S going on, right?" You changed in like 2 seconds.

In 2 seconds, right? You exercised control. What's the irritability factor?

And then, inconsistency. Inconsistency can exasperate. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

There's something about this is who this person is. There is a consistency, not a perfection, cuz none of us is there, for sure, but is there a consistency in who this person is? Listen, pity the poor home or the classroom or the business or the country that has a leader that is continually giving mixed signals.

Where there is continually a consistency, where every everybody feels like they have to to kind of walk on eggshells. Everybody feels like they have to have to check the temperature in the room. What's it going to be like today?

What kind of day is it today? Is there a a consistency as we continue to walk with the Lord? Let me give you one more, favoritism.

Favoritism can exasperate. You cannot Listen, you cannot and should not treat all children exactly the same. But that doesn't mean that you play favorites, okay?

Brian Mathison said no here. Brian turned me on to a book by Ron Blue called Splitting Heirs. It's It's a great book good for in terms of finances and handling that, particularly as you think about passing it on to to others.

But one of the principles Ron had in that book was so great. It was he called it the uniqueness principle. He said, "Love your children equally and as such treat them uniquely." Love your children equally and as such treat them uniquely.

Though the love is the same, but that doesn't mean you do exactly the same thing in exactly the same way because your children are different, aren't they? And if if you have multiple children in your home, you know. It's like they came out of the womb different, right?

>> [laughter] >> I mean, it was like, "What in the world?" You know, you have your first child and you think, "Oh, every child's going to be like this." And then the second one comes along. I can it's like, "What happened?" You know, did we switch kids at the at the hospital or something, right? Because each child is unique.

You love them equally, but you may have to adjust. You may have to How do you lean and how do you communicate love? How do you communicate correction?

What do they need? Some need need a little more support. Some need a little more challenge.

And so, there's a uniqueness there. Favoritism blows up families. Go to the Old Testament.

Isaac, Esau and Jacob, right? He loved Esau. Jacob just spent his whole life grabbing for his father's attention and affection.

And it blew the family up. And you would think Jacob would have learned from that, but he didn't. He had all these children, and then Joseph was his favorite.

He treated him so differently with so much favoritism that it caused great resentment in all the rest of the family. Love them equally. Treat them uniquely.

But do so without favoritism. There's an art there. So, that's the negative.

That's the do not. The do, the positive is do bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. And again, that sounds good, but what does that look like?

What does this involve? Let me suggest a couple words. It involves, first of all, tenderness.

Tenderness. Tenderness to be nourished to to feed. It includes both verbal and physical.

That there's there's something about our language. And some of us know this, right? Some of us have experienced this, some of you.

There is something that a mom or a dad said to you years and years and years and years ago. And you're like a full-grown adult. And you still remember those words.

To this day. They have marked you. And for some of you, those were words of tenderness and encouragement and belief.

And for some of you, it was a statement that just felt like it ripped your heart out. There is power to choose our words well and to have tenderness. There's power in in touch.

That that hug, that that pat on the back, that sitting close, all of those things. There's a tenderness, but there's also discipline that's a part of that. Discipline.

And discipline is it is not just it just when somebody does something wrong, but it it's affirming and correcting. So, we we there are things we want to affirm, there are life skills, there are disciplines that we want them to develop along the way, but there is certainly correction that needs to take place when they go to drift off the path. And that's how God addresses us, does he not, as his children?

The author of Hebrews said, "Have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives." Verse 11, "For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Discipline is formative and corrective. It forms certain things in us, but sometimes it corrects things that need to be corrected in us. And moms and dads, understandably, experience a great deal of worry and even uncertainty at times when choosing a parenting style.

Jane Francisco and Good Housekeeping editor-in-chief wrote about a piece of advice that she received from her dad. She wrote, "When my son was a toddler, I struggled with the concept of discipline. How to know what was too much or not enough?

So, I called up my dad, a teacher for decades, and I asked him, "What parenting style he thought yielded the most well-adjusted kids?" His answer was pretty simple. You can't get really go wrong as long as your child clearly understands that they are loved unconditionally, and B, your approach to discipline is consistent, regardless of how strict or not you are. Her takeaway, I probably won't mess up my kid too badly as long as I deliver love and consistency and don't accidentally put him in the recycling.

>> [sighs and gasps] >> My dad's recipe certainly calms me when the idea of parenting becomes overwhelming. And I hope it has the same effect on you. There may not be a single right way, and being a parent can be an adventure as original as you are.

Even the style of discipline is different depending upon your child. There's tenderness, there's discipline, but there is instruction. There is instruction where we we teach intentionally, we impart values, we instruct in the faith.

One of the core passages for our family ministry, Deuteronomy 6:6 and 7, and these words that I command you today shall be on your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Listen, it's formal and it's informal, it's structured and it's unstructured. It's not just, "Okay, we're going to sit down and have this lesson where I am going to instruct you now." But you're teaching all the time, in the car, at play, in the midst of sports, when you're tucking them in bed at night, during crisis moments.

Oftentimes in moments when you maybe feel like, "I don't have the energy to talk about it." All right? But it's in those moments that there there's that opportunity to impart instruction, but maybe maybe maybe the greatest instruction is not so much what you say but what you do. The example of your life.

John Ashcroft was former governor and senator from Missouri. He also served as the US Attorney General under President George W. Bush.

He writes in his book, "Many kids wake up to the smell of coffee brewing or the sound of a rooster crowing. My wake-up call was my father's passionate praying filtering through the house. Sometimes I'd ease downstairs and join him.

One knee was usually raised, so I'd slip in underneath shielded by his body as he pleaded for my soul. I never caught my dad praying for our happiness. He realized that the pursuit of happiness for its own sake is a frustrating, disillusioning, and often futile effort.

Happiness usually hides from those addicted to its sugar while it chases after those who are called up in something more lasting than momentary excitement. I never heard him pray for a bigger house, a car, or bank account. Instead, he prayed that our hearts would be ignited and inspired to do things of eternal consequence.

"Turn our eyes from the temporal, the physical, and the menial," he prayed, "and toward the eternal, the spiritual, and the noble." My father never pressured us toward achievement. He knew that that push had to come from inner reserves, not outward designs. He simply dangled before us the possibilities.

And thanks to his example, sometimes we took the bait. There is something powerful and instructive about your example, about the way that you live. So, let me give you kind of a few pictures, and I hope maybe this will serve you.

It helps me in thinking about it. Hopefully, it can serve you. When we think about discipline and tenderness and instruction and all of these things, we sometimes think about it like on a scale, right?

Well, warmth on one hand and firmness on the other, right? And my guess is if you looked at that, some of you would probably say, "Okay, I I tend just instinctively a little more toward one side than the other, right?" And sometimes even in a two-parent home, one parent leans more one way, one leans the other, which sometimes causes great discussion as well, right? But I I want to suggest to you that maybe looking at it that way is not the best way to think about the this coming together of warmth and firmness, rather to think about it as a two-by-two grid.

And a high and low, high on it, low the other. So, if we think about firmness and and warmth, then we can think about what that means for parenting styles, but what it also means how we relate to people in all sorts of different relationships. And so, the what we could actually say, I think, pretty comfortably is that the absolute worst style is the kind of quadrant three there, absent.

That's low warmth and low firmness, right? They may be physically present, but they're not really present, right? They're not giving structure, they're not giving support, they're not giving correction or instruction, they're not giving a whole lot of love, right?

So, that that's kind of would be like the the worst there. Right above that is what the this author called the authoritarian style. The authoritarian style, very high on firmness, but lower on the warmth scale.

It is a very high, maybe on the rules and discipline, and but lower on the the the the tenderness, the support, the encouragement. All of the the second quadrant there, we'll call indulgent. Indulgent is very low on firmness, structure, uh but very high on warmth.

And sometimes this parenting style is even driven by the desire of the parent to be loved or liked by their child, right? It is uh I'm not going to give a lot of instruction or structure because I I I I I I I want you to feel love. And sometimes we kind of parent in response to how we were parented, too, right?

But ideally, and all of us all of us all of us do it imperfectly, ideally we'd be heading toward quadrant one. We'll call that kind. High firmness, but high warmth.

And and that's key in a lot of relationships in our life, isn't it? Is it to be able to to to have love? And I think I mentioned a couple weeks ago even a a a sports coach talked about you you you know, the to have high expectations but high love, right?

The the when those two are together, so that you can have candor, but it's in the envi- in the environment of love. And sometimes indulgent wants to be nice. Kind is better than nice.

Kind is is high firmness and high warmth. Now, we've talked about a lot of things, but the one thing all of these things require is time. Is time.

It You can't microwave relationships. You can't microwave family. It requires time.

And time is that one non-renewable resource, right? You can't You can't go purchase I need 15 more hours this week, >> [laughter] >> right? You just No, you've got to make time.

Let me just give you one example from the Winger family who are live on a homestead in Wyoming. Jill and her husband, Christian, have three kids, Mesa 13, Bridger 10, Sage 7. Her words, "We didn't really watch a ton of TV.

We just had Netflix and Hulu. My kids would watch shows an hour and a half in the afternoons, and then because we had long winters in Wyoming, our family would kind of default to the TV in the evenings after supper." Ms. Winger began asking herself, "What other activities is TV displacing?" Now, by the way, it may not be TV for you.

It may be something else. But what What other activities is whatever that is, scrolling, da da da da da, displacing? She posed the question to her husband and kids.

Together they made a decision. They would go on a TV fast. "3 months from December 1st, 2022 to March 1st, 2023, we would not watch any TV.

We just said, 'Let's experiment with this and see what happens.' Shockingly, she said, 'I expected more pushback, but the kids were not super upset. I think they knew that they were turning on the TV kind of mindlessly without really enjoying it. So, when we told them our plan, we were kind of like, 'Okay, we'll try it.' Together the family discussed what to do with the time freed up by quitting TV.

One of the first ideas to emerge was reading books together. Another impulse that emerged was to learn new hobbies. The three kids together taught themselves chess, started cooking more, became more engaged in some of the homesteading activities.

When the family reached the end of their TV fast on March 1st, 2023, They sat down to discuss the experience and came to a surprising conclusion. They wanted to continue. They decided to set aside a special time once or twice a month to watch a movie as a family to preserve their new found free time for hobbies and creative pursuits.

She insists that it's not crucial to live on a homestead, but even in the city there are lots of resources, outdoor play, board games, local libraries. Now, TV fast by definition is finite. It could be a week, it could be a month, pick your time, Ms.

Winger said. Then I think it's really important to have a conversation with the whole family to get everybody on board and help them to understand why you're doing this. Now, it may not be TV for you.

But if you're going to invest in relationships, it will require time. And you may have to say no to one thing to be able to say yes to a better thing. You may have to say no to some things that are even good so that you can say yes to investing in the best relationships beginning in your family and extending beyond there.

So, let me draw this to a close with hopefully some encouragement. I have often called parenting the most guilt producing profession in the world, right? Like no matter how you do it, you feel like, oh, I could have done better.

I should have done this different. I should have done that different. I should have approached it differently.

Oh my goodness, I messed up my kids. Well, there is not a plug and play A plus B always equals C. There's always a dynamic in relationships.

And we're all in process. And you [snorts] can't go back and rewrite the past. But you can make some changes beginning today.

And so that's my encouragement to you. The only place you can begin is right where you are. And the only time you can begin is right now.

You can't go back in time and change today. But you can make some changes today that will make a difference tomorrow and in the future. And that's the hope that we have.

I'm just going to ask you if you would just about your heads with me as we pray and as you just sit before the Lord for a moment, I do want to ask one other question. I just want you to think about it. As we think about these principles and maybe there's points of celebration, maybe there's points of ouch.

But there's another question that comes to mind and that is where do we find the power? Where do we find the power to become the family that God has called us to be? And the answer in the end is not trying harder.

It's not even in better strategies or stricter rules or more information. The answer is a relationship. A relationship with Jesus Christ.

Hear me. The God who calls you to be the right kind of parent or child first calls you to be his. The Bible says that we're separated from a holy God because of sin, because we've chosen our way instead of his.

And that we have chosen to define right and wrong and good and evil ourselves. We've trusted in our own self-righteousness. But that's separated us from God and it impacts the relationships of our life.

But God intervened. He sent Jesus Christ to do for us what we couldn't do for ourselves. He lived a life of perfect relationship with God, perfectly relating to those around him.

He came and he died a death on a cross to pay the debt, the pay- payment [music] for my sin and yours, and he rose again so that we could be forgiven and changed and made new. Hear me today, you cannot build a God-centered family without first having a Christ-centered heart. And some of you are here today and you're trying to fix a relationship from the outside in.

And Jesus says he wants to transform you and the relationships from the inside out. And it begins when you receive forgiveness of your past, freedom from the dominating power of sin, power in your presence and hope for the future, and he offers that to you right now. And so I'm just going to ask you plainly [music] today, have you ever personally trusted Jesus Christ as your savior and Lord?

Not asking about church attendance or good intentions or trying to be a better parent or a better child, but have you surrendered your life to Christ? >> [music] >> Because the family you want begins with the savior you need. Today, you can come to him.

Today, >> [music] >> you can recenter your life in him. Maybe today you just need to pray something like this, Lord, [music] I know I've sinned and chosen my way over yours. I know I've fallen short, but I believe that Jesus did for me what I couldn't do for myself, that he died to pay my debt, and he rose again.

[music] And so today, by faith, trusting in you and your word, I turn from my sin, and I trust you to be the forgiver of my sin, and the leader of my life. Save [music] me. Take my life and make me new.

If you call upon him, he'll save you. He'll forgive you. He'll begin a work in you that'll ripple in your home and through generations to [music] come.

Today, as you renew your relationship with Christ Jesus, maybe in this moment you can come back and say, "God, by your strength, [music] as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." to leave the same way you came in, >> [music] >> but the only place you can begin is right where you are. And the only time you can begin is right now. Father, thank you.

Thank you for family. Thank you for your good design. Thank you, Father, that we can be a part of the family of God because of what you've done for us in Jesus Christ.

Father, thank you that that tomorrow doesn't have to be like yesterday because today [music] today we can choose to walk with you. Today, we can choose to rely on you. Today, we can choose to align ourselves anew and afresh with your good design.

And so, Father, we pray. [music] We pray, Lord, that you would show us how we can relate to you. You'd show us out of that relationship how [music] we can relate to those around us.

Lord, direct us for your glory and our good. We ask in Christ [music] Jesus' name. Amen.

We always give you questions to make this personal and we hope that those will serve you and maybe make this powerful [music] in your life, but also we always are available to you. We have some next steps areas in our lobby. You can reach out to us through the tap [music] card online.

I'm going to head to the central lobby to my right to your left today. If you're new here, love to have a chance [music] to meet you today before you take off. We're going to stand and we're going to worship our God together.

[music] Let's praise our God who made possible a relationship with him through Jesus Christ. [music] Taylor, lead us, please. When this heart it just [music and singing] feels cold.

When this faith that I pray feel low. When I'm far you still hold me close. [singing and music] Thank you, Lord.

All these things [music] I don't understand. [singing] All these questions inside my head. I'll bring it [music] all to you once again.

[singing] Help us, Lord. Cuz I [music] believe, God. Heal my unbelief, God.

I'm [singing] down on my knees, [music] God. Free my soul and break this [singing] heart of stone. Oh, I believe, God.

Heal my unbelief, God. When my eyes can't see, [music] God. Light my way, give [singing] me the faith to say, I believe.

Anything can be possible. [music and singing] A little faith is unstoppable. Even the mountains [music] are movable.

[singing] Sing this as we pray this morning. I believe, [music] God. Heal [singing] my unbelief, God.

I'm down [music] on my knees, God. Free my soul and break this heart [music and singing] of stone. Oh, I believe, God.

Heal my unbelief, God. [music] When my eyes can't see, God. Light my [singing] way, give me [music] the faith to say, I believe.

[singing] In every situation, no matter if we like it or not, let this be our prayer. >> [music] >> It is well. It It [singing] well.

It is well with my soul. Do you believe that? It is well, [singing] it is well, it is well with my soul.

[music] Lord, help me [singing] know it is well, it is well, it is well with my soul. [music] Help us, Lord. It is well, [singing] it is well, it is well with my soul.

Cuz I believe, [music] God. Help my unbelief, God. I'm down on my knees, God.

Free my soul and break this heart [music] of stone. I don't know why I [singing] believe, God. Help my unbelief, God.

When my eyes can't see, God, light my way. Give me the faith [music] to say, "I believe." May the Lord bless you >> [music] >> and keep you. I pray the Lord grows your family closer together and closer to Christ this week.

We'll see you next week, church.