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one. I'm Renee and welcome to First Baptist Church Fort Mill. We are so excited you and your family are here.

Whether you are joining us online or in person, there are so many ways to stay connected here at the church. If you are interested in serving others and sharing the love of Christ around the world, we will have anformational meeting for two upcoming mission trips. The meeting will be right after the 10:30 service today in room F202.

And ladies, please join us this Thursday, May 7th, beginning at 6:30 p.m. for our women's monthly craft night. You can bring a current project or start a new one with a friend.

And our next men's ministry event will be on May 28th. The guest speaker, former USC quarterback Connor Shaw, has a special message. >> Men of Fort Mill, this is Connor Shaw, and I'm so thankful I get to come hang out with you guys on May 28th and share my story, my testimony, and praise Jesus through it all.

I look forward to it. God bless. See you soon.

>> Just scan the QR code to register and to learn more information about the events. And ladies, please mark your calendars for Thursday, May 14th, as we welcome Kylie, one of our own here at FBC Fortnell, to share her heart and experiences in living crossculturally for the gospel. The evening will include a time of worship and dessert and is open for women and teen girls.

Please register by Monday, May 11th, and child care will be provided. Thanks again for being here with us today. We would love to stay connected with you throughout the week.

And there are some simple ways that you can do that. You can simply follow the instructions on the tap card located in front of you or fill out a connect card. And thank you so much for your faithful giving.

Because of it, we can share the hope of Christ here in our community and around the world. Thanks again for being here. Have a great weekend.

Joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Down in my heart, down in my heart. I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, down in my heart to stay.

And I'm so happy. So very happy. I got the love of Jesus in my heart.

Yes. In my heart. And I'm so happy.

So very happy. I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. older joy, joy, joy, joy.

Joy down in my heart. Down in my heart. Down in my heart.

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Down in my heart to stay. And I'm so happy.

So very happy. I've got the love of Jesus in my heart. Yes, in my heart.

And I'm so happy. So very happy. I've got the love of Jesus in my heart.

Do Lord do remember me. Do Lord do Lord do remember me. Lord do Lord do remember me way beyond the oil in my lips.

Keep burning burning burning. Give me oil in my lamb. My burning.

Give me all my lamb. Keep burning, burning, burning. Keep it burning till the break of day.

Sing hosana. Sing hosana. Sing hosana to the king of kings.

Sing hosana. Sing hosana. Sing hosana to the king.

This light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. This light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. Let it shine.

Let it shine. Let it shine. I'm going to let it shine.

I am let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.

Let it shine. This is mine. I could let it shine.

This light I'm going to let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.

Let it shine. Jesus loves me. This I know.

Jesus loves me. This I know. I got love Jesus.

Love of Jesus down in my heart. Down in my heart. Down in my heart.

I've got the love of Jesus. Love of Jesus down in my heart. Down in my heart to sing.

And I'm so happy. Very happy. I got the love of Jesus in my heart.

Yes. In my heart. And I'm so happy.

very happy. I got the love of Jesus in my heart. I got the precious love of Jesus.

My heart choir. How many of you knew every one of those songs? I figured there would be a bunch of hands.

Yeah, some of those ladies behind me talk me those songs. So, I'm Shannon Ford. I'm one of the pastors here and I just want to extend a welcome to you and those that are in the chapel watching us and those online.

We're so glad you're with us today and what a great way to get started. Um, but looking forward to our service. Listen, if you're visiting with us or G, you're a guest.

We we don't consider you a visitor. And if you're a guest, we would love to uh connect with you. And that's real easy to do with those tap stickers in front of you on the pe on the chairs.

Just take your phone and tap that or or you can go old school and fill out one of the connect cards there. But we would love to get a chance to to meet you, learn more about you. Uh we have a gift for you.

We would love to give out in the lobbies. We can give that to you. said, "Please stop by.

We want to put that in your hands." But again, so glad that you're here and I'm uh I might have to do a little little tap dance here, but we're going to get these people off the stage and we're making a transition here. So, let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father, we thank you for today.

And uh Lord, just so excited to be in your house. Thank you for these amazing uh celebrators of senior adults. Some of them have had a big influence in my life and the life of those sitting here.

And we thank you. And Lord, we pray now for our as our service continues. Lord, we pray everything done today would honor and lift up the name of Jesus.

Lord, I pray for our pastor. I pray you anoint him with your Holy Spirit. And more than anything, Father, as we pray often, we pray that today will be a day of salvation for someone.

someone sitting in this room playing the church game or someone sitting here not sure about their about their salvation. Lord, I pray that today would be the day to come step out of the darkness and into the light. Lord, we love you and we praise you for all the wonderful things you have done in our life.

We give you praise in Christ's name I pray. Amen. >> Well, amen.

Thank you, Pastor Shannon. Church, one reason I love this church and I remember, man, it's almost been 10 years I've been on staff here. Does that make me feel old, Shannon, or does it make you feel old?

>> No, >> I am old. >> It makes me feel old. >> But anyway, I remember visiting this church and seeing the multiple they had three services back then before co and just seeing how truly multigenerational it was.

It was awesome. And so, there's just so many people that go to the nine o'clock service that maybe you don't get to meet and don't get to see. So, I would encourage you if you're on campus and you see people that are in the celebrated choir, uh they go out and they actually do an awesome ministry where they go sing to shutins.

uh very often. I get to go with them sometimes and it's such a blessing to see the ministry that they do to people that are homebound and in the hospital. And so uh we thank the Lord that this church just invests in every single age group.

And just want to encourage you this morning, church, um to remind you of why we gather together. And so I'm going to read this out of Psalm chapter 34 today. Says this, I will bless the Lord at all times.

His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes it boast in the Lord. Let the humble hear and be glad.

Oh, magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord and he answered me and he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant and their faces shall never be ashamed.

This poor man cried and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him and he delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Amen. Well, church, we serve a great God who's sovereign over not only when your life's going well, but is sovereign over when things aren't going the way that you want.

And we're here this morning to hear the word preach. And we gather together on Sundays to remind ourselves that, man, you know what? Life actually isn't about me.

Life's not about us. Life's about Jesus Christ. And God put us on this earth.

and has allowed us to be in the situations that we're in around the people that we're in where we work for a reason and that's to point those around us to him. And so he wants to use your life for his glory. And so we're going to do that and we're going to stand today and we're going to say, "Lord, use me for your glory, Lord, because you're great, Lord.

I am needy and you are worthy." So church, let's stand this morning and let's proclaim that truth about how awesome our God is. Let's sing. He is worthy this morning, church.

Sing us out. Cuz we're creation suddenly articulate with a thousand tongues to live. one cry.

Then from north to south and east to west, we'd hear Christ be magnified. were the holer echoing his eminence. His name would burst from sea and sky from rivers.

Then from rivers to the mountain tops we hear Christ be magnified. That's right. We want to lift his name high.

And oh Christ be magnified. Let his praise arise. Christ be magnified in me.

Oh Christ be magnified. The altar of my life. Christ be magnified in me.

When every creature here we go. When every creature finds its inmost melody. That's right.

When every human heart is laid in Christ in one rapur in the praise. in Christ be magnified. Holy with you high.

Go Christ be magnified. Praise arise. Christ be magnified in me.

Oh Christ be magnified. the altar of my life. Christ be magnified in me.

Lord, let this be our prayer this morning, church, that in every circumstance, we would do the Lord's will. Cuz I won't bow to idols. I'll stand strong and worship you.

If it puts me in the fire, I'll rejoice cuz you're there to admit. I won't be formed by feelings. I hold fast to what is true.

The cross brings transformation. I'll be crucified with you. Cuz death is just a doorway into resurrection life.

If I join you in your sufferings, then I'll join you when you rise. And will you returning with all the angels and the saints? My heart will still be singing.

My soul will be the same. Oh, Christ bey. Let his praise arise.

Christ be magnified in me. Oh Christ be magnify the altar of my life. Christ be magnified.

Christ be magnified. The author of my life, Christ. The Lord loves you so much this morning, church.

Saved you because he loved you, but he also saved you for his own glory. That we would live lives that glorify him. So let's sing this words this morning.

Everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me. Everyone needs forgiveness.

The kindness of a savior. He's the hope, the hope of nations. Every voice we sing, Savior.

Let's sing this out. Savior, he can move the mountains. That's right.

My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save. Forever.

Author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave. Yes, he did it.

Jesus conquered the grave. He loves us but not enough to leave us that way. So take me.

So take me as you find me. All my fears and failures. Feel my life again.

I give my life to follow everything I believe in. Now I surrender. I surrender.

Savior. He can move the mountains. My God.

He's mighty to say. He is mighty to save forever salvation. He rose and conquered the grave.

Jesus conquered the gra. He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to sing.

He is mighty to say. Forever salvation. He rose and conquered the king.

Jesus conquered the gra. Shine light. Let the whole world see.

Sing it for the glory of the risen king. Jesus shine your light. Let the Lord sing.

Sing it for the glory of the risen king. Just our voice of savior. Sing.

He can move the mountain. My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save.

Forever. Author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave.

Jesus conquered the grave. My savior. He can move the mountain.

My God is mighty to sing. He is mighty to sing. Yes, he is.

Forever. Offer of salvation. He rose and conquered the dead.

Jesus conquered the grave. Shine light. Shine light.

Let the whole world sing. Sing it for the glory of the risen king. My Jesus.

Shine your light. Let the whole world sing. We're singing for the glory of the risen king.

Shine your light. We're singing. Shine your light and let the whole world see.

We're singing for the glory of the risen king. King Jesus. Shine your light in.

Let the whole world see. We're singing for the glory of the risen king. Jesus shine a light.

Let the sing for the glory of the risen king. Let that be my life. Jesus shining light.

Let the whole world see right for the glory of the risen king. That's why we gather church for his glory. For his glory alone.

You can have a seat this morning. Well, you heard earlier from our celebrator choir there. And today at our our focused prayer time, we're just going to take some time just to to focus on our our senior adults.

And we're blessed to just be a part of a multi-generational church. There's things happening in preschool, children, student ministries, adults, senior adults. And May has traditionally been a time where we've we've taken some time to celebrate senior adults.

and they've got a lot going on this month, a banquet with some other churches. Uh um and May 11th, I think it is, and then a brunch and some other things. They're actually going to be singing, some of you heard, going to be singing to some of our homebound folks that they do regularly there.

And so, we're just blessed. We're blessed to have folks that that didn't check out uh as they they got older, but they're continuing to walk with the Lord and serve the Lord and model that so well for us. And we just want to focus particularly in prayer around our senior adults today.

While we're talking of prayer, I also want to remind you that on the 12th of this month, on Tuesday night, we'll be gathering together for our monthly prayer and praise service. We'll be right here in the worship center and just encourage you uh to be uh excuse me, we'll be in the chapel uh for that, but encourage you just to be a part of that as we just seek the Lord together in prayer. don't have to sign up for the service, but if you want to come for the meal, you do need to sign up for that.

And you can do all that online. Well, let's take some time to pray together. And what I want to just ask you to do is just to adopt whatever posture helps you to focus on God's presence in prayer.

And I'm just want to prompt us a little bit. And I want to begin and just ask you to think about who are some of those older adults who impacted your life through your development and through your growing up. Would you take just a moment and say, "God, thank you for who are those people and thank you for their influence, their impact in my life.

As you just continue to pray, would you pray for those who are senior adults in the life of our our church family now who are just very actively serving the Lord, modeling for all of us what it means to walk with God, to serve his kingdom purposes, even as their seasons of life change. Would you pray for our senior adults that as they age and maybe the body can't do quite what it used to be able to do that they would be renewed in their spirit? they would be renewed in strength as they walk with the Lord.

Would you just continue to pray that we as a church would honor senior adults in a world that sometimes wants to cast people aside? Would you pray that we would be a a place where we honor and esteem those who have walked with the Lord for many years? Would you ask God to show you what it looks like to honor a senior adult in your orbits of influence?

Would you take a moment and pray especially for some of our senior adults whose health is to a point where they're not able to get out? They're not able to participate. They're they're battling a deteriorating body.

Would you would you pray God would meet them? Would encourage them? and that our church family would continue to minister to them.

Father, how we do thank you for these men and women who model for us what it looks like to walk with you faithfully through the various seasons of life. Father, I thank you for those men and women who haven't said they've done their time, uh, but have realized that this is their time. And then, Lord, that they are they are leaning in and serving you.

Even even if if things have changed in their life and some capacities are different, Father, they're they're still faithfully stewarding what you have placed in their hands. And Lord, may that that example inspire us. May it challenge us.

Uh, may it be a model that we can can follow after. Lord, we pray just for renewal uh for all of us as we seek to walk with you in the various chapters and seasons of our life. Father, we pray that you would would meet us there in those hard seasons.

That Lord, even as as the passage in Corinthians we've been reading talks about sometimes the the outer man that is withering away, Father, but there can be a renewal day by day of inner strength and we find our sufficiency in Christ. And Lord, pray that that would be more and more true of all of us. Lord, we thank you for the freedom to come and gather in a place like this.

We pray, Father, that you would be honored as we we come and focus on you as we rightfully praise your name. as we now turn and give attention to your word. Father, pray that Lord, we would not we would not treat this lightly, Lord, but that there would be be an awe and a reverence to be able to come before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

That Lord, you would speak to us as Aba, Father, to your children. That you would speak personally and powerfully to us as we unpack your word in these moments. Lord, let our lives be transformed in a way that honors and glorifies you, that fulfills your kingdom purposes.

For it's in Christ Jesus' name that we do pray. Amen. Well, thank you.

And please just continue to to remember and celebrate our our senior adults among us. If you have a copy of God's word, want to encourage you to find that New Testament letter to the Ephesians. Ephesians chapter 4.

We've been looking at different parts of Ephesians over these past few weeks as we've been focusing on the the blueprint, God's good design for the family. We've been looking at some relationship principles. And these principles are not only applicable in the life of a nuclear family, but they're applicable in so many different areas of our lives.

And today we want to talk about family feuds or how we deal with conflict. But as you're finding Ephesians, I I I don't know how your mind works. I I sometimes think mine's a little quirky.

And sometimes I I ask questions and sometimes I say them out loud and people look at me strange. So I've most of the time just say them to myself, but sometimes I I wonder about like who was the first person that ever thought that was a good idea, right? I don't know about you.

I mean, think about it, right? I mean, who was that first person that ever looked at a cow and said, "You know those dangly things underneath a cow? I What if we pulled and squeezed on those and drank what came out?

How would that be?" Right? Who was the first person that thought that, right? Or who was the first person that saw this egg come out of a chicken and said, "You know what?

If we crack that open and put some heat on that sucker, that'll be breakfast. Let's do that. Let's do that, right?

Who who was that first person to do that? And then I went to a rodeo a few years ago and I had to wonder who was the first person that ever climbed on a 1500B bull and said, "Hey, time me and see how long I can stay on here before it kills me." Right? Who was the first person that thought that was a good idea?

right? Or or or the first person who who decided, you know, if I attach a couple strings to a sheet and jump from something really high, it'll float me down, right? I Who was the first person that tried that?

and then going through the airport sometimes think you know who was the first person that decided let's put wheels on a suitcase so we don't have to carry these things anymore right and I don't know who that was but God bless them right God bless them that they had that thought and and made it work along the way I don't know who all of these people were but there's one other I wonder and I again I don't know who this person was who invented dual zone climate control. But I am convinced that whoever it was, they were married. All right?

That I am convinced of that. Right? Because it's an unwritten rule in God's kingdom that if you get married, you will marry somebody who has a different thermostat than you do.

Right? You cannot like be on exactly the same thermostat. So, somebody finally said, "I'm going to invent dual zone climate control." There's an old expression that said marriage is just nature's way of keeping people from fighting strangers, right?

And there's some truth in that. Conflict, it's true of all of our relationships. It happens in every relationship in our lives.

The question is not whether or not we'll have conflict. The question is how will we handle conflict when we experience it? Because conflict doesn't have to become combat, right?

It doesn't have to be a competition. Disagreement doesn't have to become disunityity. In fact is conflict can actually help us to grow.

Jesus talking certainly in a spiritual context but I think it speaks to uh not only spiritual relationships but all of our relationships. It says if a house is divided against itself that house will not be able to stand. A home that is divided cannot flourish very long and will not be able to sustain itself.

So this is what I want to do in the time that we have this morning. I want to look briefly at the reason for conflict. What does scripture tell us about that?

I want us to think about how we typically or habitually respond to conflict. And then I want to look at God's word and say, what does God's word tell us about some healthy, productive ways to deal with the inevitability of conflict? So that's where we're going.

So let's first talk about conflict. Why do we have it? What's the reason?

Well, according to scripture, the reason is we have competing desires. We all have competing desires and those desires are not just between us and another person but it's actually internal as well. James the half-brother of Jesus in a letter that he wrote that is preserved for us in scripture wrote what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you.

It is not is it not this that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have so you murder. you covet and cannot obtain.

So you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. That there's this this conflict of desires between the flesh and the spirit within us.

We have competing desires with people around us, right? That we we see things differently. We we want different things at different times.

We all tend to enter into marriage. We'll just speak about that relationship with an unspoken expectation and it goes something like this. How can I get my desires met?

Right? When we come in and and we have this picture, this expectation of of what's going to happen and what this relationship is going to look like and how can I get my desires met? And when my desires aren't getting met or when my desires are in competition with somebody else's desires, then there is conflict.

We have competing desires within, competing desires without, but not only different desires, but we also have differences. It's not just because we're all selfish, but it's because we are different, right? We're different.

You've heard all the expressions, men and women are different, right? Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.

Men are like waffles. They tend to have compartments to their life. Women tend to be like spaghetti.

Everything's kind of entertained and touches all the different areas of life, right? We have personality differences. We have family of origin differences.

We have life experiences that have shaped us differences. So, we bring all of those differences in to every relationship. And that's on top of what we said earlier in this series that we all bring our sin into a relationship.

And we're in the midst of a world that is broken and doesn't work because of sin. We have conflict because of competing desires, but because of differences. Paul Harvey years ago told a story about two small towns in Illinois, Normal, Illinois and Oblong, Illinois.

This almost seemed too good to be true. I actually looked it up. There are two towns in Illinois called Normal and Oblong.

Well, evidently there was a wedding between two residents of these respective towns and the newspaper headline read this way. Normal man marries oblong woman. Don't you love it?

Right? But here's the thing. Every one of us thinks we're the normal, right?

We're normal. If you're not like me, you're oblong. You're different.

years ago, someone wrote, "Dear Abby," she said, "Dear Abby, I'm 44 years old, and I'd like to meet a man my age with no bad habits." Signed, Rose. Dear Abby wrote back, "Dear Rose, so would I. So would I." Right?

We all bring our stuff in. We're different. We have conflict because we have competing desires inside and externally.

And because we are different from the beginning and in the face of that conflict, we all have habitual patterns of how we tend to respond to our conflict. And so as we we kind of go through these and again we could spend a long long time on all of these, I would just suggest that it might be helpful just to say, "God, search me as a psalmist pray. Search me, oh God, and know my heart and try me and know my thoughts.

And just even as I'm going to run through these very briefly, just to think, God, would you show me how I habitually show up in conflict? I know we can all show up differently at different times, but most of us have patterns as to how we respond to conflict. The first response we'll just call my way.

My way. This is an aggressive posture, right? I know what I want.

I know what desires need to be met. And I am going to compete for it. I am going to drive for it.

I am going to be aggressive in getting what I want. I want my way. Right?

And so this tends to be an aggressive posture. Now we may express that aggressiveness differently, but we want our way. My way.

Some on the other hand trying to tend to respond with no way. No way. This is avoidant behavior.

I I I just don't want conflict. I don't like conflict. And so I I'll do anything to kind of distance from conflict.

Maybe that's shutting down. Maybe that's withdrawing. Maybe that's just doing the next thing, which is your way, which is appeasement.

Appeasement. Sometimes trying to avoid conflict or make peace, we just kind of say, "Whatever you want, right?" Okay. Okay.

You're willing to be aggressive. I'm not your way. I appease.

Sometimes parents even do this with children, right? Children are acting out, particularly in public or something. And and what does the parent want to do?

They want to they want to they want to bring this to a close as quickly as possible. And so they engage in appeasement, right? Here, have the candy or here, yes, you can do that.

Or yes, you can have that or whatever it might be. We're we're trying to you have it your way. Now, maybe some of you are more like, okay, let's let's meet halfway.

Let's meet halfway. And this is kind of a compromised posture. So, our our default sometimes is, okay, I'll give a little, you give a little, we'll meet somewhere in the middle.

And a lot of times, this is kind of how we we approach things in in business or between countries or something, right? Okay. It's not going to be totally my way or your way.

we'll we'll try to figure out some halfway point, some compromise that maybe both of us won't really like, but at least we can live with. And that's certainly better than avoiding or just running over somebody else. But I want to suggest to you that maybe, just maybe, God would like to see us get to the point where we can say our way.

uh that yes, we may have started off with competing desires and yes, we come at it differently because we're different people, but how can we begin to say we are on the same side? Lord, how can we begin to move in in a way that is our way and hopefully at its best actually is God's way? I it's how God wants to move this relationship forward.

So that it's something we are working toward together. How do you tend to respond to conflict? So with that is kind of the the background and maybe that's just a good piece of self-awareness even as we lean into these these principles of how to resolve conflicts from God's word.

Just be aware of kind of your instinctive response. And we could go into a lot of reasons why maybe we respond that way. How do we resolve conflict in a way that is informed by God's word?

Just some quick thoughts. The first and the foundational one is commit your life to Christ. Commit your life to Christ.

Earlier in Ephesians, Paul wrote, "For he himself being Christ is our peace. He has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility. There is the hostility in this context.

He was primarily speaking between different groups, Jews and Gentiles. But it applies to even our relationship with God. We have to begin by resolving our conflict with God.

We are because of our sin, because of our rebellion, because of choosing our way instead of his way. We are separated from a holy God now and for all eternity. And we can't do anything to bridge that gap on our own.

But Jesus Christ came to do for us what we could not do for oursel. He lived the life we were called to live. He died the death that my sin and yours deserved as fair and just punishment for our sin.

He was buried. He was resurrected. He rose again on the third day.

He's ascended to the father. He's coming again. And he did all of that to tear down that wall of hostility.

He did all of that so that you and I could be forgiven. He did that so that we could be reconciled. We could be adopted.

We could become a part of his family. That we could know peace with God. And out of that peace with God, we could begin to experience peace within.

And then that begins to flow into the relationships of our life. And so the foundational point scripturally for resolving conflict well is dealing with the most basic fundamental conflict of all. And that is that we are enemies of God apart from the intervening work of Jesus Christ.

And so I'm just going to pause there and say if if you're here today, whether you're here in the worship center, you're in the chapel online and you say, "I'm not sure that I have that peace. I'm not sure even maybe exactly what you're talking about." Please don't walk away from the campus, don't walk away from the screen without reaching out to somebody. go by one of the next steps areas, uses a tap card, connect card, lots of different ways, but reach out because this is so so so foundational.

You begin by resolving your conflict with God. And we'll circle back to that again at the end. With that peace established, then I can begin to talk to God about the conflicts in my life.

This is just prayer. I I'm just I'm crying out to God. I can cry out for a lot of things.

I can cry out for wisdom. If any of us lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who generously he gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given to him just to be able to say, "God, I I want to see this conflict from your perspective. I I I don't want to just be limited with my understanding.

God, help me to understand. Help me to see myself. Help me to see the situation.

Help me to see the other person's point of view. I begin by talking with God. And for many of us, that conversation s starts to look like first venting vertically, right?

Venting vertically. And what I mean by that is just talking to God. A lot of times biblically, this is called a lament.

It's the practice of pouring out honest emotion before God. like anger or confusion or despair. But instead of running to 30 people and telling them, I first go vertical.

I first talk to God rather than complaining horizontally to others. In fact is about onethird of the Psalms. I don't as you read through the Psalms, if you pray through the Psalms, they're they're laments.

There's raw honesty while there's still a trust in God's sovereignty. I mean, look at some of the language. Look at Job.

Look at Jeremiah. Some of those there's there's language of lament. They're they're pouring out their hearts to God.

And you, some of you have heard me say this so many times through the years, but I just want to encourage you. Be raw. Be honest as you vent vertically in prayer, right?

Because it's not like you're going to shock God, right? Not you're not going to just say, "God, I'm just so ticked off at them." and he's going to say, "Oh, I had noticed." No, it's not going to happen. That is not going to happen.

Right? Pour out your heart to him. So, you out of a commitment to Christ, you talk to God about the conflict.

You lament. You vent vertically. And as you do, he begins to change your focus.

He begins to change your focus. Philippians 2 were encouraged. Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others.

Don't just think about your agenda, your desires, your needs, but also think about the interest of others. It's been said in the context of marriage that there are two huge marriage myths. They kind of go along one after the other.

The first is this. If I could just get married, all of my needs will be met. If I could just meet Mrs.

Right or Mr. Right. Everything, all of my needs will be met.

And I got a truckload of needs right now. All of my desires. Can we just pause?

That is so incredibly unfair to put all of your needs and desires on another human being. They were never meant to carry that load. Never meant to carry that load.

And if you put that load on them, they will disappoint you. There will be conflict. Doesn't mean that there's not a mutual meeting of a lot of needs.

It just means no one human being is sufficient to meet all of our needs. So then what happens if we in a marriage and if my needs aren't being met and if the conflict continues to arise then somewhere along the way kind of a revisionist version of the myth slips in I saying oh here's the problem if I had just married the right person then all of my needs would have been met. It's not that not that it I I it shouldn't work this way.

It's just that I chose poorly, right? And sometimes we go back in time. We do a rewriting of history.

I've heard somebody say, "Oh, now I realize 10, 20 years later, I never really loved them from the beginning." And we kind of rewrite the story. And we just convince ourselves that if if if if I just had a different person in that slot with me, then all my needs will be met. It's not going to happen.

That's why I need a change of focus. That's why I need God to work in me so that I look not only for my own interests but also for the interest of others. If I only focus on my interest, I will always always always struggle in conflict.

And then establish some ground rules. If you want to do conflict well, if you want it to be something that helps you to grow in something instead of something that helps you to grow apart, it helps to have some ground rules. And this is where I want us to look at the Ephesians 4 passage beginning in verse 25.

And there's just some some quick ground rules. Again, these aren't all the ground rules, but it might be a good place to start. And the first one is this.

Keep it honest. Keep it honest. Look with me if you would at chapter 4, verse 25.

Therefore, so he's talking about unity in the body of Christ. He's talking about the new life that we have in Christ. We're putting off the old self.

We're putting on the new self, created after the likeness of God and true righteousness and holiness. In light of what God's done and what God's doing in us, therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. earlier in that chapter verse 15 he said speaking the truth in love keep it honest right sometimes in conflict we we we want to we want to change it a little bit we want to make it a little more right so we we we exaggerate we use language like you always or you never well maybe maybe it's 80% of the time but it's not always it's not never Right?

But we use that language sometimes in the midst of conflict, particularly if we start telling other people about it. The the tale gets bigger. It's kind of like a fish story, right?

And at the end, it's one whale of a tale, right? I mean, man, it's just like it's just like, man, we really really have blown this to to incredible proportions. Keep it honest.

It doesn't mean you don't say this is actually what happened. This is how I interpreted. This is how I I experienced.

This is how I felt. These are the motion. Yes.

But keep it honest. Don't make it more than. Don't add to.

Don't take away from unnecessarily. Keep it honest. And then verse 26, admit my anger.

Admit my anger. Verse 26 begins, "Be angry and do not sin." Sometimes in church circles, some folks feel like, "Well, I I just can't get angry. If I'm angry, that's not being Christian, right?

No. Anger is an emotion. Anger is uh been defined as energy released to defend something that you love.

The scripture talks about God being angry. He's angry with evil that dishonors him and destroys that which he loves, you and me and the rest of his creation. Now, the challenge is the problem with human anger is we often have disordered loves, right?

We we overlo the wrong things. And when that's threatened, we respond in anger that's all out of proportion because our love isn't in the right place. It isn't in the right order along the way.

But I have to begin by just owning my anger. Yes, I this is what I am experiencing now. And then I begin to unpack that.

What is it that is being threatened? What is it that I'm feeling like I have to defend? My anger is telling me there's something that I love and value that I feel is at risk.

And when you admit your anger, the other part of that is keep it under control. Keep it under control. Be angry and do not sin.

Do not sin. Don't Don't let anger drive the agenda. It's been said that anger is just one letter away from danger, right?

And maybe that's why we're we're hesitant even to admit anger because we've seen some of us have experienced the danger of anger. Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." Doesn't mean doesn't acknowledge it. It just means doesn't drive the agenda.

And yet sometimes our anger is not in control. In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy said, "If I can't be right, I'm going to be wrong at the top of my lungs." Right? And some of us, that's our strategy in conflict, right?

If I'm not right, I'm going to be wrong really, really loud. And the louder I am, the more aggressive I am, I'm going to get my way. even if in the end it's not right.

And there are a lot of different ways to control anger. One of the the funnier ones at least I came across recently was from a professional golfer by the name of Ryan McCormack. He went to extreme lengths to try to tame his tongue.

a year ago, April 2025, he was competing in the club car championship on the corn ferry tour and he was just having a tough time of it. And so he decided on the second round of the tournament that he was going to tape his mouth shut. I mean, literally, this is how he played the second round of that professional golf tournament, right?

I'm going to tape my mouth shut. Well, give him an A for effort, right? an A for effort of controlling his tongue.

The corn ferryy tour posted on social media. Been under his name been having not so fun times this year on the golf course. Pretty angry and mad.

I've tried a lot of things. I'd figure I'd just shut myself up. I don't know how effective that really is.

But here's the calling. The calling is own my anger. Evaluate my anger.

But don't let my anger control. Don't let it drive. Let it tell me something.

Let it even motivate something, but don't let it get out of control. And that means I need to choose the right time and place. I need to choose the right time and place.

Let's continue on. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sin go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.

mishandled anger, misplaced anger, conflict that's not handled well gives a foothold to the devil. Not only in your heart in life, but in your family, in your friendship, in your relationships. That's why it's vital that we learn how to do this well.

And it means we choose well. Now, some of you have heard this through the years. Don't let the sun go down on your anger.

Let me lay a alongside that Psalm 4:4. be angry and do not sin. But then it says, "Ponder in your own hearts on your beds and be silent." Okay, let me push a little bit here.

Some of you maybe have heard and maybe you even said to others, somebody told me, "Never go to bed angry." Anybody heard that? Okay. Yeah.

A lot of us, right? Okay. Absolutely.

Never go to bed angry. And I get it. I get it.

But if that's the only kind of piece of advice that you you hear, then sometimes that can make the conflict even worse because at the end of a long hard day, you're in the midst of conflict. And if you're not a night person to begin with, and if you're totally worn out, one or both of you is totally worn out, 11 p.m. is probably not the time to have a good discussion, right?

I mean, you're just you're just both at kind of the lowest air. Well, yeah, but if if we go to bed angry, then I won't get a good night's sleep. You can survive one night without a good night's sleep.

Here's here's my best take on that principle. Taking Ephesians, taking Psalm 4:4, and that is the 24hour rule, right? It's kind of like just try to we need to deal with this sometime within 24 hours, right?

And so you schedule a time and a place. You schedule a a peace conference, if you will. And part of that is knowing yourself.

Now, if both of you are night owls and you're like prime time at 11:00 p.m., then have at it, you know, but a lot of us aren't going to have great discussions at 1 in the morning, right? In fact, as some of you are saying, the only time I'm up at 1 in the morning is to go to the bathroom, right? I mean, you just you're not in a good place to have a good discussion at that point, right?

It's probably just going to add fuel to the fire that's already there. When are you going to do it? Choose the right time and place for you.

And when you do, keep it private. Keep it private. Matthew 18, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.

This is so vital because sometimes in the midst of conflict, we want to build support. We want sympathy, right? And so we we want to tell everybody else, right, all of our friends, everybody who will agree with us, right?

We we kind of build our coalition at least in our in our in our mind, right? right time and place, talking to the right person. Keep it private.

And as you do, focus on fixing the problem and not the blame. Let's just keep reading. Verse 28.

This may seem a little odd, but stick with me. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Well, Jeff, what do you where do you get that?

How does that speak to conflict? You could spend all the time just saying, "You're a thief. You're a thief.

You're a thief." Right? That fixes the blame, but it doesn't fix the problem. The problem is there's a behavior that needs to change.

Instead of stealing, you need to not only stop stealing, but you need to engage in profitable labor, not just for yourself, but so that you have something to give to someone else. That's moving beyond fixing the blame to actually addressing the issue, addressing the problem. Sometimes in conflict for us, the win is you admit you're wrong and I'm right.

I win, but the problem never gets fixed. There's an old saying that says when you throw mud, you always lose ground. Right?

There's a whole lot of mudslinging in our world. Social media is filled with it. News clips are filled with it.

And we wonder why we don't make much progress on the problems of our nation, right? Because when you throw mud, you lose ground regardless of the relationship. Keep it private.

Focus on fixing the problem, not the blame. And then be tactful. Another ground rule, be tactful.

Verse 29. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear. Your words matter, the tone matters.

Proverbs says, "A soft answer," some translations say, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Sometimes somebody lashes out at you and everything in you wants to say, "I will lash back but one up." Right? Proverbs says, "Pactful, tactful." A gentle answer in that circumstance lowers the temperature. Still got to speak truth.

Still got to fix problems. Still got to address issues. But the words that you choose matter.

Do they build up? Do they give grace? Do they truly address the issue?

Ogden Nash wrote years ago to keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup. When you're wrong, admit it. And when you're right, shut up.

I kind of like that, right? Yeah. Sometimes it's just as the temperature comes down, I can see I I was wrong when I've been able to to step away for a moment.

That's part of keeping it under control, right? Maybe you need to take a time out, take a walk, go work in the garden, go work out, do something else, and come back where you can be tactful, where you can can walk toward healing and addressing the real issues. And to do that, I'm going to need a power beyond my own.

And so, I got to stay connected. Stay connected and clean before the Holy Spirit. Verse 30.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. Grieving the Holy Spirit.

What does that look like? It looks like this. It looks like bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander and malice, right?

All those things grieve the Holy Spirit. That if I'm going to handle conflict well, not only do I need to have the foundation of being at peace with God, but I need to, we looked at a few weeks ago, I need to be filled with the spirit. I need to be continually connected and clean before the Holy Spirit.

I need in that picture of John 15 to stay connected to the living vine so that the love and the life and the wisdom and the power of Christ flows through me even in the midst of conflict. And you're going to need the Holy Spirit strength to practice one other ground rule and that is practice forgiveness. Practice forgiveness.

The last verse in the chapter, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. It always comes back to the gospel. When I recognize how much I've been forgiven, it frees me.

It empowers me. It motivates me to practice forgiveness toward another. Dietrich Bonhaofer said, "Live together in forgiveness, for without it, no human relationship, least of all marriage, can survive.

You're going to get hurt. You're going to get wounded. You're going to get nicked, sometimes accidentally, sometimes perhaps even with some malice.

And for you to move forward by the power of the Holy Spirit and by the grounding in the gospel, you're going to have to practice forgiveness. And then one more. Seek wise counsel.

You establish ground rules. Maybe you're trying to do it all, but for whatever reason, you just you haven't been able to get by beyond this conflict. It keeps coming up.

You keep circling back to it. Seek wise counsel. Proverbs says, "Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." That there are times where we just have to say, you know, for whatever reason, we're just in a in a cycle here and we haven't been able to kind of figure our way out of it.

And so, at that point, it's it is wise. It is the wise thing to do. I've said for years, wisdom always seeks counsel, right?

Always seeks a perspective beyond your own in all different areas of life. But if it if it's an area of conflict, maybe there's an older couple that could help you, that could mentor you, and maybe it's it's it's some some classes, some seminars, a marriage retreat. Maybe it's a formal counseling relationship.

But he's saying, "We value this relationship so much that we're not going to let pride stand in the way of us getting better, of us getting healthier, of us getting stronger." So, we are willing to humble ourselves and to seek counsel. All of those things that we've talked about just are to point us to this reality that it is always much more re rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. And listen, I and sometime in our world, we live in such a crazy world, right?

I mean, you score points on social media for smacking down the libs or owning the conservatives or, you know, whatever language you use, right? We got enough people who are dissolving relationships. We need the people of God to be those who are modeling a way of resolving conflict and restoring relationships.

One of the word pictures that sometimes I think about is when two rivers meet. And I don't know if you've been in some of those places, but particularly if the waters running high from the both those rivers, when those rivers meet, it it's it it can be it can look violent, right? It can it can be just real almost just like, wow, there's this conflict here.

But after that period of conflict, after that roughness, something happens and the river gets bigger and it gets deeper and it gets richer. And I think that's the picture of the potential of conflict that we come in with competing desires and differences and sometimes it feels like rough water and feels almost violent. But if we push through, if we lean on God and look honestly and talk honestly with each other, something deeper, richer, and more fruitful comes out of it.

That's what I think God desires to see in the conflicts of our life. And so this is what I want to ask you to do as we kind of bring this to a close. I'm just going to ask you just to pause and to be still in the presence of God for just a moment.

And there's some questions there that we have provided for you. And I I just want to ask you just to take a moment and just prayerfully look at those and just just see if if there's one of those that that maybe God wants you to to lean into this afternoon or in the next few days. Maybe some particular area that God is speaking to you about.

And as you just sit with those for a moment, as we come to the end of this message, just be honest that there's something we've all felt that conflict isn't just h something that happens around us, but it's something that happens within us. The scripture says that quarrels come from desires that are at war in our hearts. And the greatest conflict we'll ever face is not with a spouse, a child, a co-orker, a friend, a neighbor.

It's our conflict with God. And here's the truth. Until that conflict is settled, no other relationship will ever be what it was meant to be.

You can try harder, you can communicate better, you can apply principles, you can set ground rules, but if there's a wall between you and God, there will inevitably be walls between you and others. That's why that first step is the most important. Commit your life to Christ.

Or as the scripture said, he is our peace. Not just peace between people, but peace between you and God. Because he came to do what I could never do and you could never do.

He lived a perfect life. He died that death on the cross for our sin. and he rose again to tear down that wall of hostility starting with the one in our own hearts today.

Some of us don't need a better strategy. We need a savior. And so I'm just going to ask you just to pray with me if you would right now.

on as you sit with those questions and prayerfully ask God to show you what might be next, how you might grow. For some of you, perhaps today you're here and you've never trusted Christ. You've been trying to fix your life on your own.

And maybe there are some relationships that are strained or broken or you're just exhausted, but deep down you know that something isn't right between you and God. And as we pray, this is your moment. You can begin again.

You can be forgiven. You can have peace, a real peace right where you are. You can call out to him.

So, I'm just going to model some words for you if they're helpful. Adopt them, adapt them, make them your own. But just say honestly to God today, God, I know I've sinned.

I've chosen my way instead of yours. I know I've been living for myself, but today I turn I turn to you. I believe that Jesus died for me and that he rose again.

And I ask you to forgive me and to change me. I ask you to be the forgiver of my sin and the leader and lord of my life. The Bible says, "Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved." When that relationship is right, it can begin to change every other relationship.

Not instantly perfect, but genuinely transformed. Peace with God leads to peace within, which begins to shape peace with others. If that's your decision today, I'm going to encourage you, don't keep it private, to let someone know, take a next step.

Even as we're going to stand and sing for in just a moment, I'm just going to ask you to step out from where you're going to be standing and go ahead and make your way to either one of our lobbies. Go by one of our next step areas. Some of our pastors are waiting there for you.

They want to pray with you. They want to talk with you. We want to begin to walk with you in this new life in Jesus Christ.

Maybe your next step is to connect to a group or a next step is to to be baptized. Whatever it is, you you sl you go ahead and slip out even when we're singing here in just a minute and go let these pastors help you today. Father, thank you that you are working in all of our relationships.

Thank you for what you have done to enable a a relationship with you that is not only for a moment, but is for all eternity. And Father, I pray that as we walk with you and then we walk with others, Father, that the way that we handle ourselves, the way that we handle even our relationships would honor and glorify you. We pray this together now in Christ Jesus' name.

Amen. Hey, I'm going to ask you to stand with us now as Taylor comes to lead us. We're going to sing.

If you want to, you go ahead and make your way to one of the next steps areas. I'm going to head to the central lobby to my right, to your left. If you're new here, I'd love to have a chance to meet you today before you take off.

Let's worship him together. >> When my heart is torn aunder and my world just falls apart. And Lord, you put me back together and lift me up to where you are.

We have this hope cuz there is hope beyond the suffering. Joy beyond the tears, peace in every tragedy, love that conquers fear. I have found redemption in the blood of Christ.

My body might be dying, but I'll always be alive. Amen. Cuz you have turned morning to dancing.

You have covered me with grace. The struggle here may last a moment, but life with you will last always. That's right.

Cuz there is hope beyond the suffering, joy beyond the tears, peace in every tragedy, love that conquers fear. I have found redemption in the blood of Christ. My body might be dying, but I'll always be alive.

When this age of death is over, let's sing this out. And when the age of death is over and this world has been reborn, I'll be there beside my savior. This is our great and rich reward.

That's right. Cuz there is hope beyond the suffering, joy beyond the tears, peace in every tragedy, love that conquers fear. I have found redemption in the blood of Christ.

My body might be dying, but I'll always be alive. We have this hope as we go out this week, church. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

We'll see you next Sunday.